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in the mahamudra By: via qwertymonk
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and then i sat down on a wooden stool in the kitchen with the dishwasher whirring productively and the boys watching pocoyo and practiced a wisdom meditation while crying and experiencing the urge to throw all my spiritual books and acoutrements into the fire and feel the literal warmth By: via qwertymonk
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Cut the root and ten thousand branches wither. Likewise, cut the root of mind and the leaves of samsara wither. 21 Though darkness gathers for a thousand eons. A single light dispels it all. Likewise, one moment of sheer clarity Dispels the ignorance, evil and confusion of a thousand eons. 22 What joy! With the ways of the intellect you won’t see beyond intellect. With the ways of action you won’t know non-action. If you want to know what is beyond intellect and action, Cut your mind at its root and rest in naked awareness. 23 Let the cloudy waters of thinking settle and clear. Let appearances come and go on their own. With nothing to change, the world you experience becomes mahamudra. Because the basis of experience has no beginning, patterns and distortions fall away. Rest in no beginning, with no self-interest or expectation. Let what appears appear on its own and let conceptual ways subside. 24 The most majestic of outlooks is free of all r...
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mahamudra my fav meditation instruction in twenty eight short verses: Mahamudra cannot be taught, Naropa, But your devotion to your teacher and the hardships you’ve met Have made you patient in suffering and also wise: Take this to heart, my worthy student. 2 For instance, consider space: what depends on what? Likewise, mahamudra: it doesn’t depend on anything. Don’t control. Let go and rest naturally. Let what binds you let go and freedom is not in doubt. 3 When you look into space, seeing stops. Likewise, when mind looks at mind, The flow of thinking stops and you come to the deepest awakening. 4 Mists rise from the earth and vanish into space. They go nowhere, nor do they stay. Likewise, though thoughts arise, Whenever you see your mind, the clouds of thinking clear. 5 Space is beyond color or shape. It doesn’t take on color, black or white: it doesn’t change. Likewise, your mind, in essence, is beyond color or shape. It does not chang...
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7 getting ready to go to friends house is chaos his anxiety skyrockets any time he is aware that he gets friend time and any bit control he had is blown away by the wind of excitement and all of our problem are exacerbated until he leaves and then we are left in a pile of emotional rubble By: via qwertymonk
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send the wife out for a drink with our neighbor for the neighbor's belated birthday and get 7 to read for thirty minutes and even when i get the boys set up with an old star wars movie that i'd love to watch with them there is a mess in every room all over the room and they want a train of snacks and drinks at their whim to which i throw a tantrum and sit down with a red glass to write wishing i had the space to make a music thing but writing is good too By: via qwertymonk
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not sure how i accomplished as much as i did yesterday and my stomach was upset most of the day and night i thought i might be getting the virus 7 had but it seems it was stress and having eaten something bad or several things and i’m grateful i can function today instead of being ill By: via qwertymonk
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we’re all in this soup together looking into a mirror thinking the image is separate from us but it is us everywhere everything we sense with all of our known and unknown senses is us sensing ourselves everything we love and hate and don’t care about and there is no way to say this right but only to point at it and wait By: via qwertymonk
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turns out 7 is just fine after all the tests and we just have to manage his pain as he transitions back into eating normally they said he could eat whatever he wants so wife asked me to order his favorite jimmy johns slim sandwich with turkey and bbq chips that he's been craving since he got sick so i it's on the way and hopefully we'll all get some fucking sleep or not By: via qwertymonk
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finally get the refferal figured out so much time and effort agian i know i complain about that a lot and now on hold waiting for a nurse to pick up the phone because wife wants to make sure 7 is ok and not too lethargic in a clinical way like should we bring him in but i don't think so i think he's worn out from not eating for several days and not sleeping much for a few nights and just needs rest and to eat and drink lots of fluids which is probably what the nurse will say but if they say that then i can tell wife what i already told her no one listens to me they need to hear it from someone else By: via qwertymonk
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tired boys today i give them some screen time so i can play guitar toward sanity and then i get back on the horn with insurance to sort out this referral for a new pediatric provider for 7 from the u of m specialists but get cut off when they try to transfer me and 3 is throwing a tantrum and i don’t have a conference id number because they didn’t give me one and have to hang up while the dog continues to bark at neighbors because she’s bored and headache headache aching head By: via qwertymonk
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and then a great poet who was once published alongside jack kerouac is rooting for me saying this shall pass and someday it will be different which is true in some sense and very sweet when people offer these encouragements but it's not the truth from another point of view because as soon as the boys are old enough to be on their own our parents will need us to assist them into death and the boys will have children that they need help with all the time and perhaps there will large piles of families living these big houses everywhere all living together because the earth is fucked and the economy is fucked and we're all fucked or maybe not maybe it will just be like it is now By: via qwertymonk
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weathered the stormy night and morning head and heart pounding from lack of sleep still the wind outside and abormal warmth are unsettling in light of our global incapability to be gentle to our surroundings me included i get the boys relaxed in front of a movie called cars 3 that they picked and get on the horn to insurance then the clinic then insurance then clinic holding holding then sending email to 7's teacher that i might not be able to volunteer for their reading groups tomororw if he and his brother are still sick then filling out the volunteer application and not having references because i'm a stay at home dad and disconnected to fb messenger some people for their assistance and phone numbers and still have a mountain of dishes laundry and forms to fill out and form to fax and form forms forms and it will all be interrupted soon by sick boys needing needing their tired old daddy this is what happens By: via qwertymonk
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wake up routine is so intense sometimes trying not to wake 3 holding pee and poop so the pets get outside and fed otherwise they swarm me then finally getting to use the toilet and then washing out all the coffee maker stuff filling the reservoir grinding beans fresh from the co-op and the ever satisfying feeling of pressing a button labeled brew By: via qwertymonk
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pleasure looks over at pain and says whew we made it we really figured out how not to suffer this time and now we can rest and offer our wisdom those less fortunate but first we should spend some real hard time figuring out how to stay safe and secure so we never have to suffer again By: via qwertymonk
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new moon eclipse this saturday is conjunction saturn and pluto and jupiter just entered sagittarius and mars just entered aries as well as uranus going direct saturday too good time to allow things to change into something new and refreshing which also means it can be difficult to do so as we all know By: via qwertymonk
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everyone sleeping and i can’t find my computer even though i always leave it charging in the same place wife and i have had this issue since we started dating ten years ago whenever she has a computer it is too old to support operating systems and browsers and ends up being too frustrating to use so she uses mine but doesn’t charge it and i can’t always find it and i never get to use it when she’s around because she’ll either interrupt me or need it for something so i just give up usually cause i love her more than computers By: via qwertymonk