qwertymonk

health care savings plans suck i know in theory they save you money and offer the illusion of security but the amount of time one spends procuring receipts and more receipts calling clinics who are unhelpful calling the benefit health care plan people who tell me what we need then calling back the other place only to be put on hold forever and leave a voicemail and no return call and also gotta call about all that other stuff and shovel shovel shovel but there is this constant obstruction some call the terrible twos on and on By: via qwertymonk

his favorite By: via qwertymonk

sun burns it off we get very little accomplished but i play some notes anyway then we head to the library and to pick up a gas station sandwich for 7 before his appointment By: via qwertymonk

actual fog out the window By: via qwertymonk

up late with 2 up early with 2 By: via qwertymonk

something happened down the street this morning just a few houses away on the next block and there are still police cars sherrif cars and a crime lab van with their lights twirling something intense happened and we don't know what yet as i call back and forth between the medical center and the benefits center to see who will be able to help me get them what they want first By: via qwertymonk

fog lifts to reveal steel teeth By: via qwertymonk

i try to roll into our wheel barrow but cannot physically make it happen but i think between my wife and i we can do it later but now i’m pouring sweat and can’t stop it the slight breeze doing its best By: via qwertymonk

2 wakes up and the guys are unhelpful in getting the tree where we need it which is very disappointing because now we have to figure out how to move it By: via qwertymonk

2 takes forever to fall asleep in the car after library i just keep driving until he’s out then we get home the guys are to deliver the me tree we bought two weeks ago By: via qwertymonk

back to monk mode shaved the head and beard been wanting to but time time time then i unclogged the bathtub drain clumps of hair and toilet paper from experiments 7 was conducting then 2 and i head to the library to drop off double donkey bags of books and pick out some more material before nap time By: via qwertymonk

some phd said you have to be a buddha to parent a child with adhd i laughed out loud when i heard that and cried at the same time they never talk about having other children to deal with or other circumstances on top of the difficulties with the genetic neurological difference By: via qwertymonk

infinite patience required By: via qwertymonk

up half the night with 2 he is afraid of lightning and thunder By: via qwertymonk

we wake up to seventy two degrees and ultimate humidity and i love it but am sorry for my suffering spouse By: via qwertymonk

boys out of their routine led to tough bedtime and wife has to stay up late and work so i'm here too listening to music and typing out crystal pure garbage for enjoyment pleasure sipping a little gin after a run with 7 on his scooter where after a long haul we laid in the gras and looked at the sky and when we got up to go home dusk turning to night he said something like good thing they didn't build anything in the sky father sky and mother earth working together there was much more than that but it was so sweet to hear his gears whirling in nature sweaty from the heat and effort By: via qwertymonk

decent meeting according to me but wife was unhappy with it we had a good discussion about it afterward not to invalidate her experience but there were a few items that were misenterpreted and the principal wasn't totally clear either especially about being empathetic to parents even though she is one but overall no one knows wtf so gfy By: via qwertymonk

nervous energy all day mixed with supreme lethargy from several nights of little sleep and 2 is demanding every moment of my time while i feel like i'm drowning in things that need to get done and the expectations that all stay at home parents experience from their spouse about what is possible to accomplish in a day i know i'm not the only one and that i actually have it really great especially when it's just awareness watching the ups and downs display themselves in contrast to one another By: via qwertymonk

and everything else By: via qwertymonk

or realize we are it By: via qwertymonk

perhaps it’s time to become light By: via qwertymonk

i love heat it’s the best By: via qwertymonk

heat wave coming By: via qwertymonk

up late with 2 sleep some up in the night with 2 we meet the principal at school later to discuss very important matters By: via qwertymonk

now on to getting him up from nap and getting groceries before having to pick up 7 and anything i can fit in there as well since there is so so much to get done and stay on top of but glad i could sit and meditate a little and make some music By: via qwertymonk

we both take a nap after and i eat and record a few short sessions of whatever to post on machete petals By: via qwertymonk

7 back at school his leg a little less sore 2 and i go to our last ecfe until fall quarter and it goes well except for the separating part where he decides to break down and need me screaming and crying but then i hear reports that he's just fine which is the usual with kids his age By: via qwertymonk

after getting boys to bed at a reasonable hour wife and i stay up a little too late drinking a little too much and laughing at a stupid show she wakes up hungover and feeling terrible i wake up just tired and feeling sorry for how she feels but glad we could bond a little we're both under a lot of pressure and having trouble communicating there are misunderstandings and confusion and just plain disagreement but underneath it all there is something that is willing to keep having these interactions to see where they lead and to appreciate how good we really have it even though it's horribly tough to realize at times By: via qwertymonk

trying to accomplish stuff with both boys here is almost impossible but we do it anyway and with wife and i not feeling great about each other there is added stress that pushy quality i hate but i am describes as dragging my feet or not understanding or whatever i get that but how about we all chill the fuck out and let each other be but maybe first we have to let ourselves be i know i do i am far from mr wonderful and at the same time we’re all perfectly imperfect how could it be otherwise By: via qwertymonk

7 is home with a hurt leg he probably could have gone to school but we’re letting him take care of himself to feel empowered sometimes this backfired and sometimes it’s the exact right thing so far so good By: via qwertymonk

brutal weekend capped off by an epic bedtime with 2 but the weekend before was glorious so what’s the difference these things come and go apparently By: via qwertymonk

and all explosions since that was written By: via qwertymonk

art a whirl is the crazy stupid beautiful thing we do in the twin cities every may right around our anniversary and makes me yearn for connection with a community of artists although i know any group ends up having its difficulties and maybe do creative stuff with and around the human connection we all desire By: via qwertymonk

explosions throughout the weekend with some fun mixed in but a whole lot of sadness pulsating beneath the little pigeon heart By: via qwertymonk

2 and surprised 7 at his popsicle run gorgeous weather fun watching all the kids and adults then 2 crashed in the way home and i took a quick nap before meditating almost naked in the sun and then playing guitar up in the upper cave By: via qwertymonk

sometimes i could benefit from just a little patience from everyone here and yet it is my continual duty to offer this very thing even when it is not reciprocal By: via qwertymonk

slept without having to rescue 2 tired in a whole different way woke up coughing chest congestion ears a little plugged probably allergenic in some way onward ho By: via qwertymonk

took a walk with 2 at the nature park silverwood great place got a great little video of 2 screaming at me with his full ferocity that is making us continually giggle but no tree today maybe next week wife is a little bummed but ok By: via qwertymonk

married eight years today wife has day off we’ll probably take a walk and receive a tree not necessarily in that order By: via qwertymonk

third night in a row up with cranky 2 we’re back to some regression shit here when will it end never fundamentally but relatively he’s supposed to grow out of this soon By: via qwertymonk

solar jumbo By: via qwertymonk

letting go of needs wants preferences desired urges as is possible and watching the rest as the stiffen and grasp or let go of their own accord By: via qwertymonk

supposed to get into the mid to upper eighties today will feel hot to us i love it and tired By: via qwertymonk

up in the night with 2 again sucks blah ugh By: via qwertymonk

2 and i bring snack for ecfe and then both take naps now we try to get anything done before pickup at the bus stop By: via qwertymonk

up in the night with 2 twice i am so tired By: via qwertymonk

makin stuff up with accompaniment By: via qwertymonk

damn By: via qwertymonk

i love this watch By: via qwertymonk

just noticed my watch is broken By: via qwertymonk

i did a good job all the plans everyone had a great weekend By: via qwertymonk

why not try the amp with four speakers instead of one with forty five watts instead of twelve with more channels and more knobs and tons of reverb so much reverb it's called SUPER REVERB and with a name like that i'm kind of hooked for now good marketing on their part i admit a shameful buy in but am also enjoying my secret drama not sure if or when i'll have time to track one down and try it which would be the first step and then to see if it's possible to trade this perfect amp for the over the top model and i think this could all be attributed to mid-life crisis uranus oppose uranus as well as just wanting to enjoy life to the fullest as we coast toward death on a solar beam of sunlight By: via qwertymonk

the amp thing still burning in my mind i have the most amazing amp already i researched a lot and found what thought to the perfect fit and it is the perfect fit however there is this little thing called why not By: via qwertymonk

i think i celebrate mothers day everyday in my mind/heart she is so wonderful she has been one of the most patient and supportive forces in my life and we've had our disagreements at times but it has seemed necessary to hold our positions and see for ourselves which has led to even more understanding from my point of view and i'm corny sappy i love my mom so much i wouldn't be writing this without her By: via qwertymonk

my dad comes this morning to watch the boys so i can take wife out to do whatever she wants which sounds like get a tree By: via qwertymonk

2 fell asleep on the way home from como and then woke up inconveniently a couple times i stayed up late getting back to bed and then woke up when he almost woke up at ten to five he went back down by himself and i laid there writing the mother’s day card to my wife from the boys By: via qwertymonk

then cousins came over for epic nerf war which turned out to be cuter than expected and led to video games and exhausted happy 7 best birthday ever according to him By: via qwertymonk

cloudy rainy cold 7 and i had a blast being ride brothers at the amusement park one of the few times i’m not in charge of nagging him to get ready for school or do his homework or go to bed so we got to bond with fun By: via qwertymonk

none By: via qwertymonk

everyone is playing well and nice i steak away and blow some notes listening for trouble By: via qwertymonk

a trio of kids has to go home i bring out the special cupcakes exactly like 7 asked for but the boys are too entranced with their own imaginary game so the one little girl and 2 each have a cupcake but 2 only eats the frosting moaning while he consumes it and i eat the cake when he is done By: via qwertymonk

i want to sneak away and blow some notes but instead send wife to the garden store again for her happy accomplishment glee while the children manipulate whatever they innocently can By: via qwertymonk

more neighbor kids come over they swarm the backyard all talking at the same time By: via qwertymonk

i hate the parking by como town but can’t wait to get on rides with 7 and laugh By: via qwertymonk

best friend comes over they try to put together a minecraft lego thing and decide it’s broken wife and i will figure it out later then pizza and backyard battle time with neighbors jumping the fence to join in By: via qwertymonk

no cavities at the dentist we can barley get 2 to cooperate but 7 just lays back with shades on taking it in By: via qwertymonk

i try to read what i wrote to 7 in his birthday card and i break down crying my wife has to read the rest i love him so much By: via qwertymonk

i love the amp but have this undying curiosity obsession about a different one and may have to try it and see about a trade if i like it more but if i could just let it go i think i’d be much happier this thing running in the background we enjoy and suffer from our obsessions By: via qwertymonk

first dentist for boys then friend over then nana and us all going to como town for rides then cousins coming over for epic nerf war and probably some video games after that while adults sip adult beverages all subject to change By: via qwertymonk

6 is officially 7 today and will thusly be referred to as such By: via qwertymonk

try to remember that it’s not so important to have a heart attack over all these things that need attention that when death arrived cloaked in infinite wisdom only a few simple things will matter if that even By: via qwertymonk

so busy today crazy busy like most days By: via qwertymonk

6 turns 7 tomorrow By: via qwertymonk

getting stuff done sick wife at work 2 having tantrums but we had some amplifier time together with him sometimes dancing and into it and other times kicking me and yelling at me he's really experimenting with his emotions and sometimes comletely overtaken by them and when i ponder this it seems no different than any of us except that we are able to appear within the agreed social constructs and thank goodness and also yuck it's all good fundamentally By: via qwertymonk

everything will turn out perfectly pure as it needs to including imperfection within it no matter how comfortable or uncomfortable it is perceived By: via qwertymonk

was gonna be my day to get things done to catch up on a long list of extremely important things that need attention very soon but wife is home sick and that’s how it is By: via qwertymonk

kraken stole my sleep now i take him to ecfe By: via qwertymonk

6 got so tired he fell asleep on his own for once but 2 held out no matter what until his mommy came through the door and could hold him then we all got a little sleep before the early blaze of dawn By: via qwertymonk

6 and i on our way downtown By: via qwertymonk

then go go go again the nerves are still vibrating at high frequencies i’m not used to and i’m making many mistakes along the way all feedback for now By: via qwertymonk

stop everything and meditate in the sun By: via qwertymonk

getting a shit ton done in spite of crippling anxiety just letting the intensity propel me forward appointment this afternoon with 6 downtown should also be intense and funny By: via qwertymonk

and now i sit here making phone calls finding things out rewriting proposals and forms and emails and bouncing them off strict and tough humans or lilting them along like paper airplanes of grapefruit truth By: via qwertymonk

wake up way to early with a panic attack so many very important things looming weighing crushing in contrast to the reality before that nothing is really happening nothing is problem carrying both of these truths while trying to get everyone ready for their day and various ones of us freaking out at various times By: via qwertymonk

also helpful for me to listen to that adyashanti dude he sounds just like the teachings i've been given on awakening yet he contiunes to have fresh ways of describing since he's distanced himself from any one religion or spiritual path without negating any of them completely he openly uses their terminology at times and unpacks the meaning from an absolute point of view which seems to be the most helpful point of view for me most of the time but i'm often curious how to mix that with this everyday chaos find very few pointers on how to do that other than my own insight so maybe i'll be the one to talk about that eventually after i'm in my sixties or so lol By: via qwertymonk

glad i meditated today and yesterday and the day before it is always shocking how deeply helpful it is for me to sit down and do that when i get away from it the contrast is obvious and i realize it's not for everyone and everyone is different i respect and honor that but it's just me and my thing here By: via qwertymonk

phone calls and emails about 504 plans and IEP plans and deferred benefit card fuck ups that are apparently unfixable because no one responds and the endless appointments and house needing care while the dishes and clothes pile up and the neighbors getting divorced and the other neighbor woman being taken to a safe house away from the right wing abuser she's been with forever and so many things i can't even fathom remembering at the moment By: via qwertymonk

all of it so normal and not surprising not even worth writing about but it feels good to push the keys once in a while at least By: via qwertymonk

and 2 discourages my listening pleasure lately which is obviously frustrating he also restricts my ability to perform necessary tasks around the house By: via qwertymonk

music continues to inspire when i run into it but constant obstacles get in the way of guitar entering my clutch much less flicking on the blue light of the new amp By: via qwertymonk

it is difficult to write about any one thing when there is so much to write about and so little time By: via qwertymonk

wild turkeys lounging in the shade across the street By: via qwertymonk

do that and then meditate move clothes around haven’t found the cat puke yet but inform my wife that i may have shrunk her cardigan and feel like a stupid idiot lots of mistakes lately By: via qwertymonk

almost missed it By: via qwertymonk

almost forgot i have to be interviewed by the school nurse surrounding the diagnosis and the plans we are enacting By: via qwertymonk

he falls asleep on the way home and this dad needs a nap too as i hear the cat barfing downstairs i am reminded of the laundry that needs tending right after cat puke cleanup By: via qwertymonk

he has trouble separating after a couple weeks of doing well but nothing epic By: via qwertymonk

the usual busy then trying to get a shower and get 2 and i to ecfe By: via qwertymonk