qwertymonk

crushed her desire to take a vacation somewhere this summer but i’m just so sick of how difficult he is and then trying to adapt to new situations exacerbates everything exponentially By: via qwertymonk

told wife i don’t want to take him anywhere until we’re past this phase By: via qwertymonk

it was awful and what did i expect By: via qwertymonk

2 kept me up most of the night By: via qwertymonk

continually coming back to now here By: via qwertymonk

really difficult to NOT play guitar tonight after having dreamt of it all day By: via qwertymonk

in the old days i always did warm ups for playing guitar and these days i just sit down and play as much as i can before the chaos erupts so now i can see what that leads to and will adjust so that i can still play and not become injured By: via qwertymonk

i google why my right arm is hurting and turns out i have rsi from playing guitar most likely repetitive stress injury and i'm supposed to not play for two to four days and let it heal otherwise nerve damage will set in and it can be fixed but is extremely exspensive and i was excitedt to bring my guitar with to sister in laws house and play while cousins entertain themselves and wife and sister do the same but maybe not By: via qwertymonk

they rest a while and play in the backyard muck while i clean and pay bills while listening to local jazz heroes who i swear are among the best in the world so lucky By: via qwertymonk

6 gets too wild on the mini trampoline perhaps showing off for friend and smashes his mouth on the bar unable to breath until the scream arrives blood running from the bottom lip his upper baby tooth loosened being held by his dad tender forever By: via qwertymonk

get 2 down for nap just before 6’s new best friend comes over day off school good for each other By: via qwertymonk

"The only truth is music" - Jack Kerouac By: via qwertymonk

invaluable By: via qwertymonk

one of my fav musicians mentions listening to the russian composer ALFRED SCHNITTKE and the japanese composer TORU TAKEMITSU and i am immediately plugged in and listening to them i don't have to go research and buy albums i don't have to order a bunch of stuff at the library and then have it come in weeks later when i've forgotten why i ordered it i can just plug in and play these amazing composers music through my little speaker while meditating on the dishes and my afternoon shot of espresso By: via qwertymonk

and it doesn't matter By: via qwertymonk

utterly exhausted after our appointment and i'm not sure if it's from the appointment or last night's malarkey or just the barometric drop of falling drops By: via qwertymonk

i gave my turntable and record collection to my father and maybe i'll get it back someday but i don't see that happening anytime soon and i'm not worried about it at all By: via qwertymonk

but having two little boys running around has proven this household to be ant-vinyl no matter what i try and it's just not worth the extra stress it's hard enough just having guitars around and worrying they will tumbled or scratched which is partly why i'm downsizing the expensive stuff in preference of the already damaged since they all sound really good By: via qwertymonk

when i lived in brooklyn i found a really good used turntable to play the few records i had and fell in love started collecting more records which was easy to do there at the time in spite of having no income By: via qwertymonk

like many others i grew saving any money i received to buy cassettes and then eventually compact discs but i was way behind the curve on the newer technology By: via qwertymonk

i've listened to so much music in the last few days i can barely imbibe anymore but i need the energy and keep finding new and old things to hear even though i just want to make my own music but i can't thank paxjordana enough for hooking me back into the premium pipeline and sorry for sounding like an ad for spotify but it works well for this musician better than anything else so far By: via qwertymonk

i like the 7/4 jazz track because i get lost and can’t find the 1 but it just makes me play better when i’m lost good to study and know stuff and then let yourself get lost you will anyway By: via qwertymonk

or not By: via qwertymonk

perhaps i am wrong but in this moment i am convinced you can’t fix your life but you may be able to adjust the view By: via qwertymonk

time for another espresso and to get to work By: via qwertymonk

trying to accomplish anything before the appointment i put on music and start climbing the tower of dishes that always appears out of nowhere and instead i put on a 7/4 jazz drum track sit on the wooden stool with swamp ash and make the sounds By: via qwertymonk

awful evening getting boys to sleep hours and hours in spite of routine in spite of all the advice it just happens and then tough morning almost missing the bus everything exploding at once By: via qwertymonk

i tried to give it back to the publisher for all he’s done for me with little return but he refused with a smile By: via qwertymonk

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/s//ref=mw_dp_a_s?ie=UTF8&i=books&k=Erik+Blagsvedt By: via qwertymonk

received a royalt check today for FOUND FOREST FLOOR and spent half of it on NEVER STOP II by THE BAD PLUS gotta support those guys they are it By: via qwertymonk

2 goes down for nap and i want to play play more more but i know i need sleep so bad so acquiescence is currently mandatory By: via qwertymonk

seizing a gap in the stream playing over 7/4 jazz drums at 170bpm with symmetrical scales in and out of chromaticism and diatonic altered throwing in SEX TYPE THING by STP just for good measure not unlike BIRD doing similar melodic drops during his improvs anyway that’s where the idea came from and it worked By: via qwertymonk

send wife out for massage taking 6 to his new best friends house for playdate enjoying music and coffee and sunshine in spite of sleep dep and a little hangover and a crabby little 2 By: via qwertymonk

sil came over and brought older cousin to play with 6 he was elated made his month as i served craft cocktails and played guitar behind the conversation and tended 2 until bath time and bedtime tired tired By: via qwertymonk

literally danced with joy when it got hooked back up and then put on minimal techno to watch the boys shake their booties By: via qwertymonk

shoutout to the angel who hooked me up with more spotify premium was not expecting it cheers and everything else By: via qwertymonk

and with the impending doom of the weekend looming my wife working hard to complete all the reports and me erecting the impossible barrier around her to save her from the boys there will most likely be absolutely no time to play all this jazz junk for a few days if even then i’m such a pessimist or realist depending on how you see it By: via qwertymonk

or perhaps this is all just a puff of nostalgic smoke in the minds face brought on by mercury retrograde sleep deprivation and excessive espresso consumption By: via qwertymonk

a vast breadth perhaps to keep the ear keen to heart By: via qwertymonk

my musical idea right now though spans from me wanting to cover BRITNEY SPEARS first big hit all the way to absurd overdubs of clanging anomalistic tones and on and on By: via qwertymonk

found of a bunch of other useful stuff i was working on back then too like alternate chord voicings that get pretty out there but sound great and some chord melody stuff the GIANT STEPS one stands out and the solo i wrote for it that i could barely play and so much more i am amazed at how much i was working on because i also knew tons of rock songs and other various stuff that i cannot now remember By: via qwertymonk

i was so in my head back then about everything especially music and i was straight edge so i clung to music with a death grip choke hold until i had suffocated it out of my life and it left me one day after i had been meditating for a while we waved and and nodded as we separated By: via qwertymonk

i can't say i knew all of those jazz tunes well enough to perform but i remember my teacher gave me a 120 minute cassette tape of solid music and i could play through the whole thing some tunes better than others but he really liked to push me so it makes sense that it wouldn't all be easy enough By: via qwertymonk

a sudden inspiration to go find my jazz fake book and relearn whatever MONK tunes i can find leads 2 and i through some boxes where i find a mountain of jazz tunes i used to know i'm kind of blown away and i didn't find the book i was looking for but did find a bunch of other stuff including THE THESAURUS OF SCALES AND MELODIC PATTERNS by NICHOLAS SLONIMSKY famously carried around by musicians for the last hundred years to unlock the secrets of the universe through sound By: via qwertymonk

another wretched night traumatic and sleep deprivation compounded By: via qwertymonk

been giving 2 guitar picks for the last month and he keeps losing them you would think that eventually we would find some of them but he is cute playing his ukulele and calling it his guitar pretending to sing the songs i sing to him By: via qwertymonk

scheduling appointments for things i dont even believe in but must go through to see for myself trying to clean with a crabby 2 year old going crazy on and off my own sanity frayed yet witnessed by the real awareness beyond good & bad By: via qwertymonk

highly recommend that album i got it at the library without a problem on a tip from my famous radio friend By: via qwertymonk

screaming tantrum in the night got maybe a few hours sleep dragging through the day justt trying to make it creeping into afternoon we put on KEITH JARRETT live in KOLN the year i was born seventy five a beautiful thing he did there and i'm so sick of itunes fucking me over i cannot figure out how the hell it works i thought i knew but i was wrong or it's just fucked up and i REALLY miss the promotional spotify premium i had going that worked well By: via qwertymonk

reminders By: via qwertymonk

advice from a long distance friend poet is invaluable filling me with gratitude By: via qwertymonk

feeling so intense and exhausted today like red flags going up all over the place and no energy to tend them By: via qwertymonk

not worried about it By: via qwertymonk

there is no future in any of this By: via qwertymonk

and when i reside within one medium i wonder when it will end and lead to the next one never knowing which direction it will go or when or how long By: via qwertymonk

throughout life i have switched between mediums choicelessly so to speak By: via qwertymonk

this is not new By: via qwertymonk

i've gone from writing all the time about everything and posting lots of stuff in different places to barely writing at all except this channel and only wanting to play music every chance i get By: via qwertymonk

and the snow falls and falls melting into early grey spring By: via qwertymonk

in between catching up on dishes clothes cleaning i sit down and play along with some jazz drum backing tracks off youtube making terrible chords and lines and after a while a few surprisingly good sounding sounds come through as the coffee tastes so good but does no good By: via qwertymonk

is this vague enough By: via qwertymonk

anyway the difficulty of just getting out of bed in the morning is compounded but feels like a slow healing motion as the all day lethargy is what really drives home the depth of what we all go through on our journey to the other shore By: via qwertymonk

but what else is there By: via qwertymonk

ones have done this for me as well and i am grateful it is an awaful lot of work By: via qwertymonk

perhaps having it pointed out that my original idea on how to be of benefit was correct but that still one must go through the dark tunnels with other travelers so that they can see for themselves what has already been discovered and what they already know but do not trust in themselves or cannot hear the small quiet voice By: via qwertymonk

recovering from some kind of psychological truck that has run me over as i was unaware of its totality By: via qwertymonk

up late up early whatever coffee coffee By: via qwertymonk

6 fell asleep while i read to him and now 2 is the holdout they always switch like that frustrating we can’t just have one night where they both fall asleep and we can be done with it By: via qwertymonk

so much better off the meds not that it was easy but i don’t want him on that stuff i’m sure it’s good for some but we tried and it’s not for this guy By: via qwertymonk

not sure where we’ll go from here By: via qwertymonk

after thorough investigation we are skipping meds today and i am so relieved By: via qwertymonk

both boys up early to greet the new moon By: via qwertymonk

6 is in hardcore watch the clock mode wanting screen time all cranked up dark of the moon By: via qwertymonk

made it to afternoon dark chocolate and hip hop to keep it going and going By: via qwertymonk

dark of the moon right before it conjuncts the sun and chiron in pisces shit is really fuckin real this morning as if it wasn’t already By: via qwertymonk

espresso afternoon By: via qwertymonk

yeah when i get into something i get completely obsessed but i have a four planet stellium in fire plus another planet in fire near the north node so that's what i'm supposed to do and there is no problem because each thing get devoured for a while and then i switch to another thing and go deep with that and over time there is a good to decent understanding of many things but they say understand one thing completely and you will understand all things equally which i think is true however life has it's own flow and there is no reason to attempt to control it so much which i do happen to do quite a bit By: via qwertymonk

right now whenever i have a few minutes i just plug in and make stuff up and that is actually quite liberating to not try to hard and just trust the moment to be whatever it is but at times i would like to learn some new concepts and use them to improvise and write new material and just have more fun isn't always about more fun By: via qwertymonk

wishing i had more time for so many things but one thing that comes to mind is to practice to actually learn new material new music and improvise over changes and learn new recording techniques and write actual songs By: via qwertymonk

he is music By: via qwertymonk

blown away by a guitarist new to me named JULIAN LAGE only 28 now was a jazz prodigy at age 8 plays a tele through a champ and gets wonderful in between jazz tone but the real wonder is ability to make gorgeous music through that extremely simple combination By: via qwertymonk

i sneak in some recording and upload it before 2 wakes from nap and 6 is done with his video but soon we'll be back in the thick realm of play By: via qwertymonk

boys and i play outside in the morning thirty degree sunshine before lunch By: via qwertymonk

i am sound By: via qwertymonk

we're up late every night helping 6 get to sleep after finally getting 2 to sleep and the up early to get wife off to work and all the drama that occurs there that sometimes is brought home understandably and other times she uses me as a sounding board which is the tool i am really By: via qwertymonk

serious skepticism about the meds and hard to hang in there but like they all say it takes a lot of patience and trial and error to figure out the right dosage and if it's the right way By: via qwertymonk

https://www.yourclassical.org/ By: via qwertymonk

https://www.yourclassical.org/about By: via qwertymonk

mac n cheese for 2 special soup for 6 then 2 wants the mango i sliced earlier as i make salmon mixed greens and quinoa for wife and i and CHICK COREA plays a haunting track that reminds me of something so i switch to EXTRA ECLECTIC classical stream created and curated by a local guy i know and it’s great stuff yes By: via qwertymonk

PAT MARTINO then PAT METHENY come on the pats of guitar By: via qwertymonk

everyone wants something different for dinner and it’s easier to just acquiesce than argue and force it By: via qwertymonk

BIRD and MONK both come on and blow the roof off By: via qwertymonk

we sent wife out for pedi while make dinner for the boys and get them ready for bed listening to KEITH JARRETT kick ass on the 88 keys By: via qwertymonk

we had a rough afternoon after that with multiple issues where i had to get over myself and renew my interest in being their father but i'm satisfied with my mistakes and how they led to understanding and modeling how to deal with oneself when utter frustration is all around By: via qwertymonk

mother in law took 6 out for jimmy johns and a a couple hours going crazy on an indoor playground while i took 2 to library for drop off and pick up and driving to get him down for nap By: via qwertymonk

jang jang jang By: via qwertymonk

spewing this all out to see what i'm thinking and how i'm thinking about it all By: via qwertymonk

finland has consistently one of the best schooling systems in the world and they do it quite differently than we do here and i've heard that the shambhala school is similar to how finland does it but i'm not sure we can move to halifax nova scotia right now although i'd like to and then travel up to gampo abbey for a three year retreat for a while or something By: via qwertymonk

underlying some of this is my deep skepticism of how over the years we've set up our schooling systems and have become intrenched in belief about how it all works and therefore when anyone is different in their learning style they cast out as bad and a problem which leads to these diagnostics and medications By: via qwertymonk

scary By: via qwertymonk

and i've also seen the stark contrast between when i'm practicing regularly and when i'm not and how differently i perceive my inner and outer worlds By: via qwertymonk

meditation is the only way so far that i've been able to see thoughts and emotions for what they are passing clouds and storylines By: via qwertymonk

this is why i meditate even before i knew anything abou this condition it's obvious we all have intense shit going on me included By: via qwertymonk

if one person can NOT react we cut the chain reaction and allow some fresh air in By: via qwertymonk

reactions exacerbating reactions trigger upon trigger exhaustion from dealing with it all on and on By: via qwertymonk

and it's quite possible other family members have it based on the symptoms we've seen By: via qwertymonk

you have to be another humans' frontal lobe for them all the time By: via qwertymonk

and can be so difficult to find when the behavior is so all over the place and aggressive or violent out of control it takes constant interaction on the spot talking with him if he'll allow it to find out what's going on and why and what we can do By: via qwertymonk

it is critical By: via qwertymonk

praise ends up being one of the best medications for any child but especially one with this condition By: via qwertymonk

even an adult with adhd can have just one intense emotion take over their whole brain without the ability to be rational and without working memory to assist in reminding one what they did the last time this happened so you imagine a six year old who is super intense already in great ways and horrible ways not having any ability to control or even explain themselves even though they know what's right and wrong and what behaviors are acceptable there is no control at times which leads a very quick downward spiral into feeling extremely negative about oneself and then reinforcing this belief over and over By: via qwertymonk

because you can see your child your own little heart suffering through these trials in hopes that they eventually benefit all the while ready to pull the plug on the whole thing if it gets too yucky By: via qwertymonk

heartbreaking really By: via qwertymonk

the other piece is that figuring out the right meds and the right dosage and timing is one of the most difficult things to do and takes a ton of patience By: via qwertymonk

doing more research i find there are those who disagree with the majority of adhd diagnosis and think it's too easy to get it and then medicate and i can't say i disagree however he meets all of the criteria perfectly and maybe too much so By: via qwertymonk

however we've always been against medication but after tons of research it seems it is something worth trying so we are in the middle of our trial run which is painful in many ways since there is hope and disappointment at every turn weighing side effects against timing and what is working throwing DST in there confuses it all plus spring break but i'm witnessing some positives from the meds in his ability to regulate certain eruptions and get over others more quickly however there is a come down from meds that is quite unpleasant and totally irrational that perhaps over time can be managed more effectivley By: via qwertymonk

going through all this stuff i don't even want to write about i just want to escape for a few minutes whenever i can to play music and ride the sonic tides By: via qwertymonk

for now By: via qwertymonk

feeling good for absolutely no reason right now and like i should be worrying about something very important and serious but i just can’t By: via qwertymonk