qwertymonk

the physicality of my hands melts into a more liquid form than i am accustomed to and an increase in speed is accepted however accuracy is still lacking at times and is included as an homage to the underground spirit gut that needs not apologize for its gritty purity By: via qwertymonk

everyone chillin in the living room as i sit on a tiny light blue chair shredding as many notes as i can as if ascending to the starlight through pure sonic streams of every symmetry and asymmetry inseparably intact ethereal one rung ladder By: via qwertymonk

ended sending 6 to wake up 2 that worked By: via qwertymonk

it is as it is By: via qwertymonk

2 is out cold my attempts to wake him go nowhere he is limp but breathing could be a long night with this kind of nap and i'm so sick of long late nights By: via qwertymonk

i called it By: via qwertymonk

day and night By: via qwertymonk

my poor poor ears By: via qwertymonk

waiting for the bus 2 shrieking because he’s so tired and coming up with justification for his heartfelt screams he wants this he wants that but then not really escalating the whole thing he’ll probably fall asleep once we pick up 6 By: via qwertymonk

bosky takes my guitar anthem riff and puts drums to it making a super rock anthem and bjor6n says speed it up and add bass and i say yeah that seems like a good idea so maybe we will By: via qwertymonk

with any luck wife will be home early exhausted boys will be to sleep early and we might have a little time to relax before getting some rest ourselves and the opposite is also true By: via qwertymonk

2 skipping nap and 'helping' me clean the fridge By: via qwertymonk

they're coming out to put a new windshield in the honda this morning luckily it's covered by insurance this time By: via qwertymonk

read a good article on mantras and how they work why they work what they do most of it form a scientific point of view By: via qwertymonk

everyone cranky and frustrated and tired this morning but 2 got his mom for a bit and she got out to her early work gig in spite of everything and 6 made the bus in spite of us having to run and catch and the bus driver didn't even know we're changing the location of the bus stop tomorrow and although i was surprised i am not surprised and anything that goes wrong seems to be my fault and my problem to fix which is apparently a common housewife issue from over the decades that now some stay at home dads are stepping into By: via qwertymonk

i love dandelions By: via qwertymonk

bosky sent out tracks with bjor6n's vocals and some tasty little addtions from his studio and it feels good to have all these tracks popping up like sun-faced dandelions peeling away the boredom of the american lawn By: via qwertymonk

two thirty nine am awful tantrum By: via qwertymonk

every three or four years i revisit an obsession with him as well as others and in between i have absolutely no interest in hearing him or his music but when it is what the ear needs it is all consuming and i don't need to fight with it By: via qwertymonk

obsessed with PAT METHENY the last few days and i finally sit down to play guitar and am surprised to find a straighforward rock riff come spewing out pure and clean and probably boring but a lot of fun By: via qwertymonk

2 woke up at two and i’m lucky again that he wasn’t screaming for mommy which leads to hours of waiting out his tantrum by instead he was upset he couldn’t have more chips and then settled into my chest only losing half an hour of sleep each By: via qwertymonk

first school for 6 and ECFE for 2 then whatever we can manage with our short arms and long lists By: via qwertymonk

and i need to meditate i am so much more myself and eight thousand other reasons that it works for me and those around me By: via qwertymonk

maybe today but it’s another busy one with so many things By: via qwertymonk

all day i wanted to play some fake jazz and record it to help me hear and relax and throw a line out for connection but at every turn there was an obfuscation i could not eschew By: via qwertymonk

us three boys so tired all of us yet 2 gives no hope of rest ah well it is good to be awake for life in pain or out By: via qwertymonk

close one By: via qwertymonk

almost got charged twenty-six hundred dollars for something that was supposed to be covered by insurance because of the weird way the insurance agency reported the available coverage By: via qwertymonk

stop at coffee shop for chocolate milk and americano By: via qwertymonk

successful morning getting 6 to school i pass out next to 2 watching cartoons and have extreme difficulty recovering from the lethargy but we head out to get groceries anyway By: via qwertymonk

expected By: via qwertymonk

tired boys today By: via qwertymonk

not for long By: via qwertymonk

2 up early but at least he was begging for me and not his mom so i was able to get him back down By: via qwertymonk

big tired fight then 6 is asleep By: via qwertymonk

i finally get 2 to sleep now to help 6 rest By: via qwertymonk

jazz fight By: via qwertymonk

incredible gin By: via qwertymonk

my dad brings dinner over for the boys he just got back from boston before we all got sick and brought me some of the most premium gin ever made that you cannot buy in our state called ETHEREAL and i just want to cry all over him it is so good and not what i am used to sipping By: via qwertymonk

shoveled my ass off in the brilliant sunshine By: via qwertymonk

big snow last night By: via qwertymonk

a large part of me really enjoys the idea of going it alone and the challenge being only upon me and how i can improvise By: via qwertymonk

or irregardless By: via qwertymonk

it can always be a total shitshow regardless By: via qwertymonk

low expectations and flexibility can be helpful By: via qwertymonk

not planning on it being easy or going well By: via qwertymonk

boys to bed solely on me By: via qwertymonk

work gig By: via qwertymonk

wife just left for three days two nights By: via qwertymonk

it gets to a point where living takes over and there is no time to write about it and the stories pile up but may never be returned to By: via qwertymonk

lit fig By: via qwertymonk

literally and figuratively By: via qwertymonk

nice to see the sunshine By: via qwertymonk

vulnerability and brokenheartedness are actually human strengths - Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche By: via qwertymonk

didn't last long up and out again By: via qwertymonk

time to rest By: via qwertymonk

he falls asleep in the car on the way home By: via qwertymonk

at least i think so By: via qwertymonk

2 and i hit the thrift store and get the goods for 6s performance By: via qwertymonk

one way to enjoy is writing about it By: via qwertymonk

i flash on knowing although important none of this is life or death and need not be so heavy not done perfectly and the whole thing can fall apart if it needs to whether i want it o or not but i will do my best to enjoy the dance on the way By: via qwertymonk

phone calls to make emails to send costume to figure out for chinese new year performance bus driver appreciation day research adhd reward systems on and on and on By: via qwertymonk

2 is riding what he calls his little tiny bike around the house and bossing everyone around as we smile at his tone By: via qwertymonk

we missed the bus again By: via qwertymonk

6 didn’t die in the night and didn’t have a nightmare this time but did wake up a few times and lost sleep and could not get out of bed for a long time By: via qwertymonk

wife had similar night By: via qwertymonk

woke up in a panic throughout the night my mind trying to figure out things that need resolution but can’t be helped in the dark but there is no control when those demons arrive and morning brings the double edged sword of anxiety where tired and stressed but glad to be awake and working on things instead of lying there on fire By: via qwertymonk

we had to stay up another hour just to deescalate and she needed to do more work so i played guitar near her until she was done and then we chatted and went to bed because we had to get up really early for another work thing then just found out the work thing got changed and we weren’t notified By: via qwertymonk

all this while 6 is scared to go to sleep because of a chinese story and thinks he will die in the night on top of him already having anxiety and nightmares about bedtime By: via qwertymonk

then another ninety minutes of carrying him around while he kicks and screams for mommy but will not go to her if i bring him By: via qwertymonk

an hour of 2 screaming against getting in bath getting out of bath having a towel having no towel wrestling while screaming to get diaper jammies socks all in him while he’s ripping then off proficiently By: via qwertymonk

scream bath By: via qwertymonk

so dramatic but that’s how it feels at times By: via qwertymonk

the last three hours By: via qwertymonk

missed the bus had to lie down when we got back from school loads of work ahead espresso and music and one thing at a time or perhaps one tantrum at a time By: via qwertymonk

endless bedtime tantrums etc but played guitar after experimenting with sounds in the app By: via qwertymonk

after all the sickness and chaos i actually sat down and meditated for ten minutes today and it was like the meditation was doing me i didn't have to even try but i know from experience sometimes that occurs in times of turbulence By: via qwertymonk

6 gets off the bus and ruffles me then i come back then i’m ruffled back and forth practicing coming back to right here not avoiding the flare up but seeing it acknowledging it and performing the next task at hand By: via qwertymonk

executive function By: via qwertymonk

feeling like the household frontal lobe at the moment By: via qwertymonk

i’ve slipped into some kind of detached love where i’m not reacting to emotional outbursts and was just tested by one of the most epic tantrums i’ve experienced By: via qwertymonk

2 skipping nap again me trudging along feeding the dragon getting stuff done By: via qwertymonk

haven’t played guitar in a few days and a few days before that By: via qwertymonk

it’s almost 3 hours long and i’m not all the way through it but so far it has been extremely helpful for my own understanding/misunderstandings By: via qwertymonk

anyone interested in dispelling myths and understanding adhd more deeply on a personal and societal level: https://youtu.be/SCAGc-rkIfo By: via qwertymonk

aware of my contradictions and insanity leaves un beholden to them By: via qwertymonk

some good stuff here and there but i’d rather listen to something else i’ve tried and tried and am a master of acquiring tastes but that’s one i haven’t so far i always hear what came before them or something i don’t know but it feels good to come clean and be honest By: via qwertymonk

confession: i do not like the beatles By: via qwertymonk

you can hear all the world influences being borrowed or stolen and redressed over beats that come from elsewhere have power as they move through formulaic chords and melodies By: via qwertymonk

pop music is poplular By: via qwertymonk

both boys like tswift why fight By: via qwertymonk

2 wants music taylor swift i don’t care it’s fine i can listen to anything and hear the truth of music By: via qwertymonk

not the same nor separate By: via qwertymonk

not off the hook By: via qwertymonk

simple dot in space By: via qwertymonk

when everything hurts and you want to lash out but instead sit down and cry and let it thoroughly slice your ancient little heart By: via qwertymonk

high expectations and the need for instant gratification lead to intense confusion and suffering and yet we humans can’t help ourselves sometimes and some humans are genetically predisposed to operate this way most of the time which breaks my heart By: via qwertymonk

frustrated humans flare each other as i stare at weather By: via qwertymonk

someone’s gotta save the babies By: via qwertymonk

out to get groceries head swimming in swirling clouds like snow falling through wind outside the car window By: via qwertymonk

i don’t know a way to not do this other than witness and feel the revulsion to the point of clarity that no decision has to be made By: via qwertymonk

our lives have priorities that are made up and not necessarily necessary By: via qwertymonk

wife hasn’t gotten sick yet and is worried rightly so that she will get sick and then miss some important work stuff this week leading into next week where she is away for two nights and it will be just the boys By: via qwertymonk

every contrast is temporary and dependent upon everything else By: via qwertymonk

oatmeal and coffee By: via qwertymonk

thought i was freaking out because of no sleep but turned out it was because of no food By: via qwertymonk

this is life By: via qwertymonk

that’s just how it is By: via qwertymonk

sometimes things get worse By: via qwertymonk

2 throwing up for hours i get him to sleep for ten minutes and then he wakes up puking By: via qwertymonk

extremely By: via qwertymonk

highly misunderstood By: via qwertymonk

wife and i slowly becoming experts on adhd through books and videos By: via qwertymonk

every child so different By: via qwertymonk

what did i expect By: via qwertymonk

even though 2 skipped his nap and didn’t sleep enough last night the struggle is real for bedtime surprisingly so By: via qwertymonk

6 and wife go swimming with auntie and cousins 2 and i hang back i get a shower and short nap By: via qwertymonk

it is painful to be a human yet what alternative is there By: via qwertymonk

wife in and out of freak out mode as well as myself By: via qwertymonk