qwertymonk

Halcyon Brothers By: via qwertymonk

https://soundcloud.com/user-660540834/over-the-moon By: via qwertymonk

or not By: via qwertymonk

biking with the boys at the church parking lot someday i should write a detailed description of what this entails By: via qwertymonk

drop the package and roll home getting a little lost on the way just for fun By: via qwertymonk

the great equalizer of cars and bikes By: via qwertymonk

slow train By: via qwertymonk

corner up a hill By: via qwertymonk

speed down a hill a stop sign a decision By: via qwertymonk

make it out of the house warm and humid as opposed to the recent cooler mornings By: via qwertymonk

riding to do By: via qwertymonk

like a ninja sneak out of 2’s room as he stirs and my desires are in question By: via qwertymonk

bike thoughts By: via qwertymonk

unsure yet if i want to slap some bullhorns on the red bike and ride it for a while or sell it for the little money it will yield and put the dough toward bills in which case i would need to fix the saddle post problem on the blue bike my dad lent me and test the waters as to whether he would allow customizations to the bike that given to him and he is now lending me indefinitely By: via qwertymonk

riding up and down the sidewalk in front of our dark blue house with the boys feels good to roll ever so slowly in sun beams By: via qwertymonk

dance around like an absolute foolish idiotic idiot and don't care but thoroughly enjoy it is there anything more enjoyable there probably is but it's close By: via qwertymonk

one of the eight billion ways a parent can let go of their ego By: via qwertymonk

fun By: via qwertymonk

we have it on repeat right now By: via qwertymonk

https://open.spotify.com/track/2tgKCgRqFbXdmo6ETTxLsb?si=ZPlV2m4kSBmOqFWgCkFX5A By: via qwertymonk

the boys love this song By: via qwertymonk

dad back for more assistance on myriad home imp projects By: via qwertymonk

nice ride this morning By: via qwertymonk

no drinks for a while By: via qwertymonk

at a point where i don't want to do anything just want to enjoy the being here of being here hearing the music the airplane through the open window the legos in the next room as 7 plays with them the ice clinking as 2 sips apple cider from his sippy cup the ringing in my ears from years of little humans screaming into them By: via qwertymonk

the boys continue to fight and not be able to separate so i rough house them both but it just gets crazier and eventually i get 7 to play outside with a toad and his toadhouse while splitting a sandwich with 2 who doesn't want tomato on his bites and eat pickles too because we love pickles By: via qwertymonk

wife takes 7 to get haircut and gift for his teacher and they grab jimmy johns sandwiches and chips and pick up a toad house from mother earth gardens on the way back before wife has to scurry back to the car and off far away to another catering gig which will garner us some much needed cash and make her feet sore and wear her out but probably help with the financial anxiety at least a little bit By: via qwertymonk

wife and i got back to fighting boys and trying to get ourselves fed while my dad kept working on the window and found a problem that he will ask the experts at the hardware store about the one up on 44th and central By: via qwertymonk

meeting seemed good like these poeple know what they're doing and will be to assist 7 even more the than the other school with more resources more time and more experience By: via qwertymonk

but because of the heightened energy of anxiety fear excitement adventure quality it didn't matter too much until we got back By: via qwertymonk

then while i took a shower and made lunch for the boys and my dad he worked on getting the broken glass out of the kitchen and by the time i got everyone fed and got myself ready to go to the IEP meeting at 7's new school i had forgotten to eat again By: via qwertymonk

but if we did we would just do it By: via qwertymonk

but luckily we didn't have to go through that this time By: via qwertymonk

dad and i get the dryer disconnected as well as the old midcenturymodern oven that's down in there in good condition and we are elated at how easy it is we've been through so many things like this where the pipes are rusted or the a pipe cracks and everything goes to hell and you spend days trying to fix the problems that arose from trying to fix the original problem By: via qwertymonk

2 overreacts to every little thing anyone does and this irrisistible to other children especially if they have adhd and crave the stimulation of a screaming two year old so my life it all referee and frustration and a once in a while a sweet moment between i am so sick the fighting though it is unbearable but needs a witness By: via qwertymonk

boys can't stop fighting By: via qwertymonk

no time for exercise this morning wife had an early start i helped her get ready but had double exercise yesterday which i can feel in my muscles one of my favorite physical sensations By: via qwertymonk

the bike obsession is letting go of me and i am letting it let go not like i hate bikes now but like getting over the infatuation and searching for the realism of the matter and it seems this process has become quicker with maturity and maturity has come more quickly with the contemplation on death that nothing is owned by anyone it is all a very short rental so enjoy and move on or something like that By: via qwertymonk

dad on his way to help disconnect the dryer from the gas line and help with a broken kitchen window we've been meaning to fix since last fall By: via qwertymonk

this was empty and as usual become full of appointments right of out the sky an IEP meeting at 7's school tomorrow with at least two special ed people while my dad watches the boys then come home and try to disconnect the gas from the dryer and other prepratory stuff before my dad goes home and wife heads off to another catering gig to chip away at the mountain of debt the american dream entails then nothing on the agenda the next day but that is suspicious with a teacher meeting on friday so 7 can get familiar with her and the brand new school and it's a special out of the ordinary meeting just special for him because he's moving from chinese immersion first grade to regular first grade with and IEP and medication and his blazing brilliant brilliance and the weekend looks empty but never ever is since we'll have one more weekend of laundromat on top of cleaning and preparing for my mom's visit and trying to get ordinary things done like exercise and yard work and b

have a copy if you like By: via qwertymonk

i read a page from my book and liked it By: via qwertymonk

busy busy today my dad taking 7 to moa while i try to get upstairs clean for my mom's visit with her partner and i work work work with dust in my nose forcing me to blow it every ten seconds or so and then take a moment to sit down By: via qwertymonk

rushed to get the groceries put away and pick up 7 and the coolest thing in the world is that 7 and his best friend hug before they part ways which is something i lightly suggested one time but they latched onto instantly and have not given up on so i feel like it's a huge win for non-toxic masculinity booya By: via qwertymonk

2 falls asleep on the way home so i pop into the house call the nurse and they give us the don't worry signals which still aren't good enough for wife but that's because she really cares and sometimes can't tell between intuition and pure worry and i totally empathize By: via qwertymonk

after the bike stuff 2 and i got groceries which was stressful because i felt pressed for time before i had to go pick up 7 and then get a message from wife about blood test results from 7 that are freaking her out and can i call the dr and figure out if we shouldbe worried By: via qwertymonk

one simple fix i will try soon is to by some used handle bars at recovery bike shop and try out a few different styles i'm thinking i'll like bull horns risers and the plain stick looking ones all the hipster stuff works pretty good the drop bars of classic ten speed infamy are good for certain things but way to aggressive for most of what i want to do but who knows everything changes all the time and resistance is the path to suffering By: via qwertymonk

got the wheel back on and took it for a spin in the evening after the storms everything wet and dangerous on these tiny tires and questionable rims according to the bike shop guy and my handlebars aren't for me but i'm trying to feel the whole thing out and see what i love and don't love about it since so far there are things about each bike we have here that i like and don't like and so many things i want to try out By: via qwertymonk

again patience By: via qwertymonk

it was as i thought in my urgency to get it done i had punctured the brand new tube rendering it holy and useless so i watched the process and hopefully learned how to do it next for next By: via qwertymonk

lucked out and had 7 over to his friend's house for a few hours so i took 2 with me to get the bike tube properly installed By: via qwertymonk

may not get to write tomorrow because i'll get up and maybe ride if i can before getting everyone fed and properly caffeinated then we're meeting nana at como town amusement park where 7 and i will hopefully be roller coaster brothers if he's finally tall enough while the ladies take 2 to see the butterflies and then ride in a little red car that goes around in a circle seven and half minutes then wife will leave from there to catch her catering gig and nana will head to her home while i take the boys and entertain them at our abode and try to get them to sleep all by myself and wife will leave catering gig and go to her sister's house to watch a movie about the coming of jesus and laugh with other sister because their mom who is nana thinks she's going with jc and none of them are and that family uses dark humor to feel better about themselves to a fault but i look foward to the adventure of lone parenting there is alway something much easier and more difficult whe

repitition repitition By: via qwertymonk

my dad watched 2 while i took 7 to his doctor appointment to get a wart frozen off his foot and a blood draw for some blood work to see if his meds are ok which i think i alreayd wrote about but i don't mind repitition By: via qwertymonk

incredible lightning bright and loud thunder blade piercing our ears By: via qwertymonk

YES By: via qwertymonk

rain just rolled in accompanied by thunderstorm By: via qwertymonk

the delay is frustrating i've been wanting to get this old schwinn world traveler converted to single speed hipster style minimal bike going so i can see if i still think it's too small for me if i was just riding it wrong with wrong ideas the researching i've been doing leads me to believe that i may like this bike until i can upgrade and perhaps it will be a decent pallette to upgrade with since it seems riders are happiest when they build their own By: via qwertymonk

how am i going to fix this fucking bike tire i guess i'll have to take it in somewhere and have them school me By: via qwertymonk

i suppose i am too By: via qwertymonk

the boys are counting down the minutes to when they get to play ipad together By: via qwertymonk

i kind of enjoy bad writing so i'm going to leave it in there By: via qwertymonk

not that i got sleep in because 7 was so excited his friend was coming over he couldn't get to sleep last night woke super early telling me it was time for his egg sandwich rubbing his eyes groggily By: via qwertymonk

i would have tried to ride in the rain but like i said the night got way too late By: via qwertymonk

no bike ride this morning after the very late night and rain storms rolling through By: via qwertymonk

i don't expect anyone to read all of this so whatever you read thank you and hopefully it fosters human connection By: via qwertymonk

i guess i need to write about everything By: via qwertymonk

after a few hours the friend's dad will pick him up and i'll take 7 to his doctor appointment where he wants to get a wart frozen off his foot if he still has the courage when we get there and then he needs a blood draw to rule out any damage the meds may be causing it is incredible to see medication help a young person being that i am so anti-medication but it is helping him in ways i did not expect and other ways connected to those ways the ripple effect or butterfly effect if you will and he seems to be using them to help himself he likes how they help him even in spite of the mild side effects of making lethargic we seem to be able to manage the timing of when he takes them to coincide with the proper timing By: via qwertymonk

7 has his best friend over and 2 is watching them play out their imaginations while i elegantly stuff coffee and a bagel into my overtired face and enjoy the feeling of fingers pressing keys and making the symbols appear on the screen By: via qwertymonk

fresh start is also built in and perhaps the whole point By: via qwertymonk

failure is built in By: via qwertymonk

i know i will fail By: via qwertymonk

i vow to seek what they sought and not get caught up in the extra special illusion of being a spiritual seeker or buddhist or anything else for that matter By: via qwertymonk

this is what all these seekers sought all these masters were looking for the big indestructible truth and many found it By: via qwertymonk

beyond what we think about it By: via qwertymonk

truth is truth regardless By: via qwertymonk

at their worst they become dogma and nefarious tools of self-aggrandizement in sneaky subtle ways that contribute to the blind spots of the devoted By: via qwertymonk

at their best the teachings are just vague crude descriptions of truth By: via qwertymonk

this is all so dramatic on the one hand but most of the time i don't think about it because it has nothing to do with my original spark of why to practice meditation and what drew me to the buddhist teachings By: via qwertymonk

many of said that they are now liable because they released names of people accused of sexual crimes without any corroborating evidence By: via qwertymonk

i do not trust buddhist project sunshine though their intentions are murky and self-serving revenge-flavored which makes total sense from a certain point of view By: via qwertymonk

i'm glad shambhala is shaken to it's core and is looking at itself very intensly it is so painful By: via qwertymonk

it feels like i can't trust the organization nor the ones trying to bring the truth forward By: via qwertymonk

later i checked online to see how others were receiving the document and it turns out many of the claims are being completely discredited and people are coming forward to call out buddhist project sunshine and its creator By: via qwertymonk

it was awful to read the little bit i could find time for and then i stopped By: via qwertymonk

a third report came out yesterday with allegations against the spiritual organization i'm involved with By: via qwertymonk

fell asleep with each boy trying to help them sleep and still stayed up with wife afterward overtired saint just kill me now and put my tin face on a coin By: via qwertymonk

received bike tube tried to install failed failed failed it won’t hold air like everything remember that By: via qwertymonk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubB0BZJRyzo By: via qwertymonk

new song out By: via qwertymonk

the boys fighting like motherfuckers lately with mercury direct last sunday and mars direct this coming monday right after the full moon and it will be an interesting weekend for all i think By: via qwertymonk

school starting for 7 in a couple weeks makes everyone think i will get a little break i admit to being fooled by this but i also know better since there will be endless communication with the school and wife will think i have all day with just 2 and there's so much more space and time to accoplish things but it's just not true and even if there were why can't i use it to do something creative By: via qwertymonk

tried the music thingy and i think it's working properly but the jack on my guitar is not working so i'm still stuck and trying to figure out which daw to use or will be simplest easiest to use for what we are doing and what i want to do By: via qwertymonk

looking up routes to different places on google maps has been interesting and then riding there and feeling the city in a different more visceral way than any car could offer By: via qwertymonk

getting up early to ride has been a boon to my existence lately and i just realized i could probably get a few groceries every morning or every couple days on the ride and not have to drive the car and get the big haul and that is exciting and seems like way more fun not to mention probably more realistic than trying to guess what we'll need for the next week to ten days By: via qwertymonk

i'm feeling the need for super light machine and lots of speed and i thorougly enjoyed riding through busy traffic the other day but did not enjoy the big truck that seemed to hate me and my bike revving his engine and speeding closely by at seven in the morning By: via qwertymonk

ordered a tube so i can fix the rear wheel on my old single speed that i bought before 7 was born and see if i can like that bike again or if i need to sell and put the money toward a different single speed or try out a fixed gear or go with what my wife has a three speed cruiser By: via qwertymonk

alongside is the bicycle obsession which waxes and wanes but is always present lately and i know eventually will evaporate like the dragon on top of your tea By: via qwertymonk

that really cranks things up in ways you would never imagine things would never think would effect you now do By: via qwertymonk

but it is a bigger deal than if we had no children By: via qwertymonk

it's not a big deal By: via qwertymonk

ironic that it will take two weeks to get the machines in the meantime we'll be piecing together plans here and there with laundromats and visiting family By: via qwertymonk

i think By: via qwertymonk

it's a relief in many ways and yet a huge financial burden that we will again survive By: via qwertymonk

of course i've been air drying some stuff to get through By: via qwertymonk

a few days a few weeks a few months those are all big numbers when you can't dry your clothes By: via qwertymonk

sears took the money from our account but could not give me an eta on the part By: via qwertymonk

wife figured it all out By: via qwertymonk

we ordered a new washer and dryer yesterday By: via qwertymonk

trying to repair this dryer is a never ending adventure By: via qwertymonk

perhaps you are obsessed with something or it is obsessed with you since neither are very real and really not separate By: via qwertymonk

boys and i hang out at audoban park playground and pool in the eerie apocalyptic haze and orange sun By: via qwertymonk

we send wife off to her other sister's to wash the must wash clothes and get them dried and so they can go out on a bike ride together through the fancy neighborhoods and probably get a cocktail and see a psychic and play bingo or hopefully psychic bingo while the boys and i struggle through lunch and summer homework preparing for school and i want plug into the new guitar thingy to see if i can get it to work in some programs on my computer but i don't know even know where to start like which room should i set it all up in since everything is in different rooms for different reasons and wife complains of not having her own room but i'm in the same boat even she thinks i have it better than her but i do have it better in that i don't think it would solve all my problems to have my own room By: via qwertymonk

then the good crying started spewing forth right out of the old love heart By: via qwertymonk

went for a ride and took a shower By: via qwertymonk

did my best to welcome them into my cave By: via qwertymonk

waking me up too early By: via qwertymonk

anxiety through the night By: via qwertymonk

even though it’s too late and i need rest there have been so few times to take a break that late at night might be the only time and i still want to get up and ride before they all wake up to taste that little bit of freedom that little fresh air however false or true By: via qwertymonk