qwertymonk

stress fatigue exhaustion flavored decisions the next problem to solve or person to save somehow anyhow By: via qwertymonk

on the phone for hours still trying to figure out the same damn thing they can’t figure out but they took the money somehow so i have to keep calling even though there is very little time with little boys around By: via qwertymonk

the intense anxiety of a couple days ago increased the next which was yesterday out travel day and my wife did a tarot reading for me on the plane that matched the intensity quite expertly i haven’t finished reading the cards yet and not sure i’ll have time but the basic message that i could discern is death and rebirth while alive By: via qwertymonk

up half the night with 2 and he’s running a fever this morning instructions from the nurses line to follow until something gets better or worse By: via qwertymonk

now awaiting departure on the tarmac By: via qwertymonk

exceptionally so By: via qwertymonk

we’ve been busy By: via qwertymonk

they said a pacific northwest beach would be much different than a florida beach which is what i’m used to and they were right but it was incredible in so many ways and so so different like a different planet really i loved it and feel deep gratitude for the experience as well as others this long day of a long stretch of long days By: via qwertymonk

beach By: via qwertymonk

taking the seranto to short sands By: via qwertymonk

in portland By: via qwertymonk

We abide nowhere. We possess nothing. ~ Chatral Rinpoche By: via qwertymonk

getting ready to get ready By: via qwertymonk

such a boring topic possibly the most boring ever yet i find myself contemplating this word and it’s meaning a lot lately for more reasons than i can list here By: via qwertymonk

pa·tience noun 1. the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. By: via qwertymonk

the trick for me is flipping my view to one of adventure instead of dread and it’s not always easy or even possible on that hairs breadth wire through infinity By: via qwertymonk

few hours sleep and reborn into the next stress bomb so take some homeopathic nerve tonic and place a taoist shaman power bundle around my neck By: via qwertymonk

bed By: via qwertymonk

full moon lunar eclipse conjunct mars mercury rx this friday and the days surrounding it watch out be mindful steer clear be a helper By: via qwertymonk

birth aging sickness death By: via qwertymonk

we all get sick at some point By: via qwertymonk

if we can get 2 back to healthy in two days for our flight to portland we’ll be on track but now the other three of us could come down with the same thing while traveling or while visiting and pass it on out there which seems so stupid and is By: via qwertymonk

and what a detail we have to get gas on the way home because of wife’s early meeting and lately it’s like there is this continuous piling on of things probably not all the time but it feels that way By: via qwertymonk

waiting for prescription later and later the boys eyes clamping down we’ll carry them in when we get home and try to get ourselves to bed as well By: via qwertymonk

almost all my clothes have been puked on today and are now in the dryer ready for another day By: via qwertymonk

tired By: via qwertymonk

still waiting By: via qwertymonk

ready to head home and sleep toward an early morning waiting for the dr or nurse to check on us and point a thumb toward the sky By: via qwertymonk

the four of us exhausted By: via qwertymonk

long day ending in the emergency room to rule everything out and safely rehydrate By: via qwertymonk

too many other things to report By: via qwertymonk

2 throwing up all day By: via qwertymonk

sister flew home By: via qwertymonk

i wrote this exact thing on my first month long meditation retreat had people argue with me about it and let it go years later read it in the tao te ching By: via qwertymonk

He who speaks does not know; he who knows does not speak. — Lao Tzu By: via qwertymonk

scraping food off a dirty dish purity revealed contemplating compassion a train whistle By: via qwertymonk

• bodhicitta • By: via qwertymonk

pick up 7 from friends house and after a sandwich he wants to go upstairs and make songs so i let him manipulate the pedals while i repeat a tasty phrase and we’re in a bliss bubble for a little while By: via qwertymonk

new website by Bjor6n Oranj: https://thisisntjustacult.com/ By: via qwertymonk

https://youtu.be/PW4Jj_42rfw By: via qwertymonk

bo·dhi·satt·va noun (in Mahayana Buddhism) a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings. By: via qwertymonk

our relationship chart shows a powerful past life connection whatever that means By: via qwertymonk

she is four years younger than i and we’ve had some adventures being in a band together as well as a few intense retreats By: via qwertymonk

my sister comes to town today they live outside boston also with two little boys By: via qwertymonk

coffee By: via qwertymonk

a little more whisky a lot more dharma and i’m crashing too hard to continue what a lovely way to be executed reborn at dawn most likely By: via qwertymonk

the whisky is good the book is better i am so relaxed and tired i should sleep but want to read more it is so rare to have this kind of time so i find another dzogchen book from the human source GARAB DORJE and dive in where i left off years ago By: via qwertymonk

DZOGPA CHENPO! By: via qwertymonk

now boys to sleep tumbler of whisky and same book By: via qwertymonk

good book By: via qwertymonk

took advantage of some harmonious time to read from the big fat dzogchen book i started a couple years ago when 2 was a baby and i never wore a shirt because i was always rocking him to sleep or doing something with 7 who was only 4 at the time it was crazy By: via qwertymonk

i love the sky so much i can’t even handle it By: via qwertymonk

you might find yourself in heaven and still feel like hell By: via qwertymonk

some easier times today but a helluva a lot of bullshit too making soup By: via qwertymonk

The sound of rain says what I think. — Zhuangzi By: via qwertymonk

windows of the house all wide open fresh air streaming in with the coffee making a difference By: via qwertymonk

talking refuge in the buddha the dharma the sangha and coffee By: via qwertymonk

the frustration is from the story that i’ve had no space away from the boys for a long time and very little sleep and this storyline is not all that helpful By: via qwertymonk

7 took forever my patience ran out and became anger which kept me awake after he was asleep and now i’m still super tired woe is me By: via qwertymonk

disappointment it takes a long long time to get 7 to sleep and i’m frustrated and feel like pour me no space no break for days and days and it’s all bullshit whatever good night By: via qwertymonk

and i just want shout OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BHODI SVAHA from the heart sutra By: via qwertymonk

to get 7 to sleep and then myself By: via qwertymonk

wife takes 2 to get more milkweed for our caterpillars and on the drive back he falls asleep rescuing me from a shit ton of work a night off from all that to be available for whatever else By: via qwertymonk

we are wealthy By: via qwertymonk

dad brings burritos from our favorite authentic spot By: via qwertymonk

mowed the lawn in spite of lethargy hungry thirsty growler party sounds good but won’t happen By: via qwertymonk

whatever one is doing why not call it a party just to switch the view to flip the ego and it’s investment in suffering on its back for a tickle By: via qwertymonk

but he says we are having a bagel party and a water party and i think that’s kind of genius By: via qwertymonk

haven’t had a significant amount of time away from this child of 2 By: via qwertymonk

i get a few hours rest before he’s screaming for me again in the morning now we are both way too tired to function through this long weekend day By: via qwertymonk

another long soothing session and i fell asleep next to him but not fork long because he kicks in his sleep By: via qwertymonk

got a little sleep not a full cycle and he was back to screaming for dad By: via qwertymonk

2 fell off the bed and then took a long time to soothe By: via qwertymonk

boys to bed late again can’t get to sleep overtired and watching KARMAPA on youtube as well as MANJUSHRI and other stuff to inspire this old tired fool By: via qwertymonk

and at the same time knowing the bubble will pop and thinking about all the bodhisattva stuff and hinayana and tantric mantra sky space heart stuff that can help in good and bad times either way By: via qwertymonk

7 has his friend over and we chill while the boys do their thing a very welcome shift from the intense overwhelm we’ve plowed through lately By: via qwertymonk

just like the officer who shot philando castille a couple miles from here By: via qwertymonk

he and his wife just had a baby By: via qwertymonk

wife’s half brother is a police officer a couple counties over just shot someone dead last night and on administrative leave now he was also in a squad in afghanistan that was blown up but he survived his friends and he is opinionated and dark and we haven’t talked to him in a year because he won’t give us the time perhaps because he pissed off my wife but she is better at pissing him off and she did By: via qwertymonk

i’ve had every thought and emotion i can imagine about this situation and will have more but having taken the vow of samaya makes it much much different than if it was just as simple as leaving him and his community By: via qwertymonk

took too long to get 7 to sleep wife and both fell asleep trying i woke up later and couldn’t get back to sleep so had a scotch and read about abhisheka and mahasukha from nineteen seventy eight vajrayana seminary transcripts secret stuff that isnt really secret and i’m allowed to read because i took samaya vow with my guru the guru who is now famously a sex pest and deeply embarrassed about it trying his best to transform against all odds what a time this is By: via qwertymonk

didn’t make it By: via qwertymonk

now for 7 By: via qwertymonk

i get him to his bedroom and do a little dance By: via qwertymonk

skipping nap has yielded dividends By: via qwertymonk

i get the dishes situated and stroll into the living room where 7 is watching transformers with his mom and 2 and i want to get 2 into his bath because it’s getting late but i find him passed out on a fluffy flower ridden comforter and empty cheese dipper carton between his dainty sausage fingers By: via qwertymonk

still it’s incredible that a 7 year old with adhd was able to pull off that bee rescue in spite of every reason not to By: via qwertymonk

of course as i write this they are tearing each other apart in the next room screaming and fighting By: via qwertymonk

fucking bodhisattvas damn right By: via qwertymonk

raising bodhisattvas here By: via qwertymonk

we talk about it afterward for a while By: via qwertymonk

then he runs as far away from the boys as he can afraid they won't approve and also aware they are older and larger By: via qwertymonk

he watns to set it free but is afraid it will sting him so i help By: via qwertymonk

then he plays it cool and eventually comes running over to me with a bee in a bottle By: via qwertymonk

i hear him pleading with them to not kill anymore bees By: via qwertymonk

it's all out of dark curiosity as far as i can tell and i let 7 mingle with them however he sees fit By: via qwertymonk

7 finds some older kids to play with and they are trapping bees in a plastic bottle and then putting rocks inside to mess with it and eventually kill it By: via qwertymonk

i take the boys to the park 7 on his scooter 2 on his strider bike both with helmets By: via qwertymonk

this is great: By: via qwertymonk

messed around on guitar a little bit By: via qwertymonk

trying to get the boys outside onto their scooter and bike transition is the most difficult thing for lots of humans especially tiny ones and those of differing genetic make up By: via qwertymonk

or not By: via qwertymonk

purposely skipped 2’s nap so i don’t have to stay up late getting him to sleep however afternoon tantrums could increase By: via qwertymonk

i could be wrong By: via qwertymonk

it is politically correct to call it cannibus i’ve heard that marijuana is a racist term based on some historical stuff so i’m workin in that By: via qwertymonk

it may be my first introduction to cannibus since it is legal and overflowing there and i've never tried it and the peole i know there are bored with it at this point but perhpas i could enjoy it or least decide its not for me we'll see or not By: via qwertymonk

7 and i have never been there but sister in law is helping with tickets since we said we couldn't go By: via qwertymonk

the day after she leaves we're taking the boys to portland By: via qwertymonk

my sistere is leaving her two little boys with her husband outside of boston to come visit us next week which will be a vary rare treat if we even get to see her much with all the family and friends she wants to fit in while she's here but she wants some astrology juice from me so that will be mutually beneficial By: via qwertymonk

as usual By: via qwertymonk

2 more than 7 By: via qwertymonk

they liked them By: via qwertymonk

just had my first bagel in a year and offered some to the boys By: via qwertymonk

a year ago we brought the boys to florida to visit my mom and her partner and my sister and niece and we had a mostly terrific time and when i was getting groceries last night too late i remembered they had bagels down there and so picked some up By: via qwertymonk

boys go nuts and i save myself with screen time for them while i meditate and make more coffee By: via qwertymonk

trying to guide these little boys toward being non toxic white men who may or may not be straight whatever that means By: via qwertymonk

coffee is made and i want to sip it and funnel that pristine energy into writing music art whatever but instead i’ll put away the dishes and make egg sandwiches for hungry humans slowly waking up By: via qwertymonk

i have mosquito bites on the top of my ass from taking the boys to the bluegrass show a couple nights ago By: via qwertymonk

bored sad and alone are essential qualities we need to touch in with otherwise we are always avoiding them just a thought By: via qwertymonk