qwertymonk

in the mahamudra By: via qwertymonk

sunshine blizzard sunshine By: via qwertymonk

small blizzard after family therapy By: via qwertymonk

one thousand armed avalokiteshvara By: via qwertymonk

No one and nothing can free you but your own understanding. — Ajahn Chah By: via qwertymonk

big deal but nothing happens By: via qwertymonk

i let wife know and sangha member know i will most likely end samaya vow with my teacher and leave the community with love for all involved By: via qwertymonk

message from sangha member wanting to meet and talk about everything which hard for us and our schedule By: via qwertymonk

busy day with ecfe and volunteering at 7’s school my dad took my computer away and offered one of his at reduced price but i’m not sure that i want one yet By: via qwertymonk

making soup By: via qwertymonk

an immensely strong one By: via qwertymonk

control is such a fucking illusion By: via qwertymonk

and yet things are offered as well By: via qwertymonk

already nothing is the same and the pattern of things being stripped away By: via qwertymonk

zenith and nadir will be effected By: via qwertymonk

uranus opposing my natal uranus among other things and all offer the uranian tote through my chiron mercury and sun By: via qwertymonk

on the way to some kind of break loose By: via qwertymonk

this phase of life i’m in By: via qwertymonk

how many times will i post this same thing By: via qwertymonk

strong urge to create make music wrote dance and also to sit still meditate allow the elements to bless us and perfume consciousness with earth and heaven but there is no space seemingly and i can’t keep up with demand By: via qwertymonk

wind picking up more snow more blizzard i guess By: via qwertymonk

lunch and then dance party while eating cookie dough together as i sip sour cold brew coffee By: via qwertymonk

it’s our day By: via qwertymonk

we pick up snacks for ecfe tomorrow By: via qwertymonk

3 gets a lollipop at the liquor store By: via qwertymonk

the snow piles up and up By: via qwertymonk

shoveling mixed with getting everyone ready grinding grinding everything everyone needing every second of my attention grinding me down By: via qwertymonk

we prepare to get ready to get ready to go out and accomplish one something By: via qwertymonk

making changes to the meditation room to reflect recent realizations while 3 watches a children’s show By: via qwertymonk

or something like that By: via qwertymonk

always could have been worse but it’s always bad enough By: via qwertymonk

tired yes By: via qwertymonk

i was up with him until well after midnight and then tried to get my own sleep By: via qwertymonk

3 fell asleep while i was shoveling and wife didn’t wake him up for a few hours By: via qwertymonk

no one helped By: via qwertymonk

shoveled the driveway twice By: via qwertymonk

either put a new one in for two hundred or put that money toward a different computer By: via qwertymonk

video board failing By: via qwertymonk

crashed again today By: via qwertymonk

computer crashed and came back yesterday By: via qwertymonk

not big into tv myself but things look good on it and the boys are excited By: via qwertymonk

nothing fancy but a huge upgrade from what we had By: via qwertymonk

wife bought us a new tv with our projected tax refund By: via qwertymonk

probably an all day affair By: via qwertymonk

more snow By: via qwertymonk

more coffee By: via qwertymonk

another friend over for 7 By: via qwertymonk

wife getting taxes done and other stuff By: via qwertymonk

revelations through grieving By: via qwertymonk

eleven below By: via qwertymonk

of course another good cry while practicing By: via qwertymonk

heading upstairs to the tiny shrine room for whatever By: via qwertymonk

get a movie going for the boys and wife By: via qwertymonk

three hard cries so far today By: via qwertymonk

it’s going around By: via qwertymonk

the friend is a tricky little guy trying to manipulate every little scenario on top of the turmoil By: via qwertymonk

at least for now By: via qwertymonk

video game saves the day By: via qwertymonk

we have a friend over for 7 and it’s a long awkward path to find something for everyone to do By: via qwertymonk

the war between the boys rages on and i’m not sure what sanity would feel like anymore By: via qwertymonk

we’ll see By: via qwertymonk

we’re at negative two By: via qwertymonk

weather app says a high of zero today By: via qwertymonk

i finished up the shoveling in spite of their ongoing war with each other then other bombs dropping all over the place By: via qwertymonk

boys have been awful lately more and more and today is no exception By: via qwertymonk

sunshine By: via qwertymonk

eleven below By: via qwertymonk

twenty something below windchill By: via qwertymonk

ten below By: via qwertymonk

no school too cold By: via qwertymonk

five in the morning the school robot called By: via qwertymonk

snowing hard and time for 3 and i to scrape the car and meet wife and 7’s therapist at his school By: via qwertymonk

and in my head By: via qwertymonk

i have a headache in my foot By: via qwertymonk

got decent sleep finally after four days of very little but it's hard to recover nonetheless By: via qwertymonk

winter storm warning in effect for thirteen hours or so now according to the app By: via qwertymonk

it has been snowing all day By: via qwertymonk

computer works and all my stuff was intact spent the evening tranferring all the photos that i didn't lose to an external hard drive that could also fail someday and then the music projects that are in production By: via qwertymonk

in the cosmic unknown grieving the relationship to my teacher By: via qwertymonk

way overtired and can’t sleep By: via qwertymonk

part of the deal By: via qwertymonk

triggered by myriad tiny things all overwhelming tiny me By: via qwertymonk

i’m overdone in so many ways By: via qwertymonk

boys and i shoveled the driveway By: via qwertymonk

you cannot have fearlessness without fear one teacher said By: via qwertymonk

fuck hope and be with fear By: via qwertymonk

hope for pleasure fear of pain hope for fame fear of insignificance hope for praise fear of blame hope for gain fear of loss By: via qwertymonk

two sides of the same coin By: via qwertymonk

hope and fear By: via qwertymonk

the eight worldly concerns are based on By: via qwertymonk

we will need to shovel By: via qwertymonk

the snow has been falling all morning By: via qwertymonk

he also said it could do the same thing at any time so a new laptop should be contemplated By: via qwertymonk

i’ll see him tomorrow and check it out By: via qwertymonk

my dad says my computer is working again and some of my stuff is still on there By: via qwertymonk

and therefore impersonal By: via qwertymonk

it is a personal path regardless of who you are By: via qwertymonk

yet i know it’s part of her processing to float her feelings by me a thousand times before acting because we’re married and she really has no way to understand my position as someone who has taken the vow of samaya with this human By: via qwertymonk

just leave already and let go of the drama and do something else then is how it feels By: via qwertymonk

i always support her to leave and not like my teacher but it’s grating on my nerves By: via qwertymonk

wife keeps telling me she doesn’t like my teacher and is thinking of leaving the community By: via qwertymonk

you’re either a blind loyalist enabler or an out for blood crazy victim protector and some things in between By: via qwertymonk

more reports and letters in the spiritual community realm By: via qwertymonk

worse this time By: via qwertymonk

third night of bad sleep By: via qwertymonk

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodhidharma By: via qwertymonk

bodhidharma By: via qwertymonk

http://westernschooloffengshui.com/2019-year-of-the-yin-earth-pig/ By: via qwertymonk

year of the By: via qwertymonk

earth boar By: via qwertymonk

the utmost simplicity is welcome By: via qwertymonk

at least that’s how it feels lately By: via qwertymonk

i imagine relief will come with each death until the final relief of this body dying By: via qwertymonk

just here on my other channel By: via qwertymonk

but can’t upload to soundcloud By: via qwertymonk

thank goodness i can still put the smartphone in front of the speaker and hit record on voice memo By: via qwertymonk

but now i can’t really record like i was By: via qwertymonk

i’m open to whatever By: via qwertymonk

perhaps a new hard drive or it’s just fucked By: via qwertymonk