qwertymonk

pell mell By: via qwertymonk

we take the boys trick or treating By: via qwertymonk

he falls asleep on me in the rocking chair for a couple hours and i do my own thing sitting still By: via qwertymonk

hard to accomplish any housework with sick child needing so much comfort while crying and screaming at me By: via qwertymonk

we will stay home By: via qwertymonk

2 and i are supposed to go to ECFE this morning be he is on the edge of being too sick so i asked him what he wants to do and he wants to skip By: via qwertymonk

i wish everyone could see this for themselves it is relativley enlightening By: via qwertymonk

on sunny days we make a ton of energy and we just got hooked up to the website where we can see the peaks and valleys of our production and consumption By: via qwertymonk

the solar panels are cooking By: via qwertymonk

the steam rose from the frosted blades of grass as she left her morning deposit By: via qwertymonk

get up and meditate interrupted by dog By: via qwertymonk

rough afternoon and evening with the boys bedtime gone crazy kicked in the head throughout the night by sniffling snoring restless 2 and i am tired By: via qwertymonk

riding bike uphill into the wind for bleeding gums and then downhill like a torpedo for lunch with my dad and 2 By: via qwertymonk

for a mind that is ready fear is a profound contemplation By: via qwertymonk

plowing through a mountain of dishes listening to shakuhachi masters blow their bamboo which sounds like sadness in the wake of great tragedy or standing upon a mountaintop before a duel sword in its sheath cool air in your lungs accepting pain and death as they are By: via qwertymonk

perhaps i will ride bike there and back By: via qwertymonk

my primal fear of the dentist will be confronted once again this morning i’ve come a long way over the years By: via qwertymonk

a few sun showers today and myriad subtle atmospheric mood shifts as the cloud cover altered the light against the foliage changing its hue which will soon be skeletal against the steel grey or steel blue sky span By: via qwertymonk

the morning light is as purple as a pigeons heart By: via qwertymonk

like the great scientists mystics artists dance alone together through the unknown By: via qwertymonk

peace is not what you think it is love is not what you think it is is anything what you think it is why trust what you think about anything By: via qwertymonk

running out of patience the frustration turns to anger which moves into rage and diabolical fury and the skilled one will let this flame build and consume themselves completely kill themselves until there is only the soft spot left and tears arrive to simple cheeks brave and lonely everything as it is once again ancient karma purified back into endless ocean By: via qwertymonk

true patience needs nothing to be different than it is By: via qwertymonk

patience needs nothing By: via qwertymonk

ride By: via qwertymonk

clean like crazy By: via qwertymonk

drop 7 at bff’s house By: via qwertymonk

sick of it all By: via qwertymonk

i’m sure we should do dog training or something to help her and us but that infuriates me even more overwhelming frustrating By: via qwertymonk

so sick of the dog i didn’t want By: via qwertymonk

stress bomb morning but figured it all out took boys on walk with dog but it was awful they were tough and dog barked at everything like a wild beast then she bit a guy on the leg i scooped her up and apologized profusely they weren’t happy but said it was ok By: via qwertymonk

not surprised By: via qwertymonk

it starts out perfect and wonderful and ends in maddening despair By: via qwertymonk

boys and i walk the dog after we eat dinner By: via qwertymonk

mint machete By: via qwertymonk

would love to work on my own stuff too By: via qwertymonk

receive a cool new track from band mate and want to jump on it all over it and get some sounds on there but everything iin family is too squashed together right now and i can't even get to my amplifier or rarely crack my computer open much less hook everything up to record multiple seering soaring silence inducing guitar shred tones to calm your fierce kitty into the galactic purr she came with By: via qwertymonk

i am amazed at what my dad and i have accomplished around this house and what my wife and have transformed it into both of them being the brains behind everything and me just the dumb muscle mostly with a few brilliant lightning strikes here and there By: via qwertymonk

dad over fixing house stuff with 2 and i and it would be nice to have a day off from appointments and fixing the house and phone calls and emails about complicated stuff that i figure out all the time but that's just a petty preference i guess By: via qwertymonk

i did the same thing as a young boy mimicking ninjas and samurai whole afternoons out in the woods with a stick sword i found jumping off rock cliffs battling the forces of evil By: via qwertymonk

7 shows me some moves from his show and as usual i’m blown away By: via qwertymonk

whisky By: via qwertymonk

i sit down and feel the love By: via qwertymonk

wife gives 2 a bath after many days of him refusing i am so relieved By: via qwertymonk

i’ll get used to it By: via qwertymonk

i make pretty good sazeracs but it tastes too sweet after the dry scotch By: via qwertymonk

the boys watching avatar the last air bender animated series which is quite good actually wife and i cleaning and doing laundry By: via qwertymonk

i make her a sazerac By: via qwertymonk

i miss scotch By: via qwertymonk

all gone now By: via qwertymonk

good scotch By: via qwertymonk

wife had stop and buy ice for her catering gig the other day and also purchased a lottery ticket for us and a little scotch sample for me a blend i’ve never tried By: via qwertymonk

i am still full of war By: via qwertymonk

it is only the war inside that is unresolved By: via qwertymonk

we are officially SOLAR • By: via qwertymonk

no problem nothing happening By: via qwertymonk

attachment to peace desire anger zeroes drama is the problem By: via qwertymonk

infinite details of every experience of everyday go unwritten yet each is just a simple thing too By: via qwertymonk

close to having one referrel sign up and i'm not surprised since it makes so much sense when you sit down and look at all the numbers and the company is great in so many other ways as well By: via qwertymonk

we get a bonus if we refer anyone and they decide to go for it By: via qwertymonk

we'll be able to monitor a bunch of stuff from our computer using our own wifi By: via qwertymonk

in two days xcel energy will come out and install the bi-directional meter and a technician from the solar company will turn it all on and show us how it all works By: via qwertymonk

building inspector signed off on our solar panels yesterday By: via qwertymonk

it’s worse if i’m not there By: via qwertymonk

he is going through something By: via qwertymonk

long hours but i think i got some rest By: via qwertymonk

second night in a row of head kicks and waking up whining from 2 By: via qwertymonk

I was nearly saved by silence. By: via qwertymonk

and i often feel at least nineteen steps behind everything that needs my attention right now and the creative urge is simmering and watching for it's opening to blaze a high flame into witness sky By: via qwertymonk

get back and invite the neighbor girl over to play with 2 By: via qwertymonk

we eventually get to the pub have a surprise lunch all together By: via qwertymonk

cheese curds and fries for 7 and then drop him off at school get home and my dad wants to take us to lunch but 2 is in bipolar mode and won't agree then get a text from wife and tell her what we're up to and she texts back that she'll meet us there exclamation point so i tell 2 and he agrees happily but then melts down about the prerequisite diaper change By: via qwertymonk

noticed: rap guys wanna rock and rock guys wanna rap and ladies are just good at being themselves and i should look others but good for the genres to let go and be mutual By: via qwertymonk

luckily i have some music loaded to my phone By: via qwertymonk

suffering night same morning but 7 and i made it to the testing facility and there is no coffee here and no wifi like the other places so i slipped out and got some cold brew while she is testing him and after we’ll have a little special date together before dropping him at school By: via qwertymonk

density dawn cluster dusk cosmic bucket stars in easter hay born and dying span the song By: via qwertymonk

his engine is so intense so fast loud and powerful and yet his steering and brakes are the opposite and even with all the helpers at school and meds and everything we've learned it is still a constant struggle to be around him and this is when a parent really experiences unconditional love because we would do anything for him i would literally die for him but that doesn't mean i have fun dealing with all of his behavior By: via qwertymonk

poor guy it is just as difficult for him as it is for us and probably more so By: via qwertymonk

our time here is coming to an end and the work ahead is tough maybe the toughest to get 7 off his ipad and away from his favorite cousin and in the car for the long ride home where we may struggle to get some dinner into him while he either is able to occupy himself or more likely go around the house causing trouble wherever he goes By: via qwertymonk

and i'm ready to make more stuff let creativity take over more often and drop everything to make a little typewriter art or work on a song or heaven forbid write another poem or even a book By: via qwertymonk

zooming all over the spotify universe learning new music sounds i didn't know were out there or in here By: via qwertymonk

one sister in law out in portland cant say it that way and always says conquer and divide and although is a totally boring thing to write about that is what makes it funny to me By: via qwertymonk

divide and conquer we say By: via qwertymonk

wife and 2 out on a date together probably spending money we dont have but we all needed this break By: via qwertymonk

coffee music games writing all wore off and i pass out on the sofa waking up to the sound of a doorbell but it was just the game 7 was playing By: via qwertymonk

not used to this By: via qwertymonk

i rig up her coffee maker and brew it up sipping fresh listening fresh writing crap eating snacks By: via qwertymonk

sitting on their little apartment deck on the second floor with the sun on my arms and face the wind blowing hard through the fifty degree air makes it sound like the ocean and i find this comforting amidst the anxiety of everything i have to accomplish tomorrow and the next day and the next day i know i'm not supposed to think of the future and get myself all worked up yet there things that have to be planned out many many details because they aren't it all crashes down and maybe it should but there is no rest in this kind of crashing and we all need rest even if we can't have it By: via qwertymonk

i can't get enough coffee i want more By: via qwertymonk

i brought cold brew coffee with me and slammed it while listening to music and playing my own video games anything to forget the last few days all the bullshit all the times i yelled or just reacted in the wrong way feeling like such failure of a parent and yet also knowing that what we're dealing with is not normal is not neuro-typical on top of that 2 is often the worse of the two demanding things be a certain way or just being upset no matter how we do anything screaming crying yelling at us for no reason until finally someone can pick him up and hug him which is probably what we all want existentially speaking By: via qwertymonk

i'm skeptical that the meds and therapy are helping anything or anyone at all but just making us all feel better that we're doing something about it but they did say it could get worse before it gets better and venus retrograde is intense this time around much deeper than previous versions as well as the full moon pulling everyone apart in a couple days By: via qwertymonk

i finally get 7 out of the house to his cousin's place where he'll play video games and we'll all get a break from that tornado at least but it can all backfire horribly too By: via qwertymonk

awful morning on and on endless problems and the boys fighting dog and cat being ridiculous me freaking out while wife being cool and calm for a while and then freaking out she got a tiny taste of what i've been dealing with for the last three days By: via qwertymonk

meditation ends with the morning exploding my head off again By: via qwertymonk

backyard waiting for dog to poop and pee wondering if she’s slipped through a hole i missed when i can’t hear her wondering if the boys are tearing each other apart inside the house breathing deep the crystal air tinged with fire pit smoke and stars stationed stoic in their ancient port a billion year lie where time is not a matter By: via qwertymonk

meditation is no savior it just pokes holes in the solidity of storylines and makes thoughts more transparent more of the time so that whatever is illusion is seen through and whatever is truth just is what it is kind of like when they say hindsight is twenty twenty at least that’s my experience By: via qwertymonk

or something like that By: via qwertymonk

being a parent means feeling like an absolute failure just like an artist musician poet writer everything else but with parenting other little humans lives are on the line more or less and it's unbearably heavy at time in the middle of the light By: via qwertymonk

didn't meditate yesterday or today and think i should as soon as possible perhaps first thing in the morning By: via qwertymonk

still recovering from yesterday and today did not let up i thought i was going to lose my fucking mind several times this afternoon and perhaps i did the only reason i'm even able to write this is because wife is out catering with her friends and boys are having screen time thank goodness for screen time we don't allow much but without it i'm not sure what would happen By: via qwertymonk

every day By: via qwertymonk

Ever had those days when you feel you must carry a crushing weight? And you find yourself alone in the effort, and silence is all that comes from your mouth? And the ones who are to love you best are the ones you can speak to least? And you find that they pick at you with needles of criticism, they shoot spit wads of want at you, roll out carpets of endless expectation while they feast on the fruits of your efforts, those silent sinewed strainings? It's been one of those days. By: via qwertymonk

ever more intense until an imperceptible crescendo and the plateau that follows By: via qwertymonk

getting stuff done runnin and gunnin By: via qwertymonk

early ride cold wind overwhelming chaos since By: via qwertymonk

i’ll drink anything By: via qwertymonk

i’ve the years i’ve worked with flavor and developed a pretty good pallet even to the point of being overly snobbish but these days i take in pride that By: via qwertymonk

finally did force them on a walk with the dog and they absolutely loved it By: via qwertymonk

anyway there is more to that story but that's enough i'm sick of it By: via qwertymonk

i bring them both inside the house and completely blow my top yellings and smashing a toy helicopter and as i listen to what i'm yelling and subtract the anger it is quite intelligent and makes sense so if i were to explain it without yelling it would probably be more helpful and is but they both listen and change their behavior which i've noticed happening lately i'm not proud of yelling i do not condone it and yet when it happens it seems like there is an appropriate response perhaps because it's a last resort or not By: via qwertymonk

at one point 2 is screaming at me while i'm trying to bring the dog into the backyard he won't come with and he doesn't want me to go either and he doesn't want to stay behind while 7 is outside fucking around with the fence so i run out there and he will not listen to anything i'm saying then swears at me and threatens to lock me out so i grab his arm and say something right into his face but i can't remember what By: via qwertymonk

neighbors getting their backyard fence fixed means we have no backyard fence to keep the dog in so me letting her our every couple hourse to keep pee and poop off the carpet doesn't happen and the boys complain about taking for a walk even though it's goreous outside By: via qwertymonk

high highs low lows today By: via qwertymonk

holding a cranky heavy almost three year old while trying to feed the dog and cat who want to eat each other’s food while getting three different breakfasts ready for our picky eaters clubhouse on and on one of those mornings no meditation no bike ride no time to do anything for myself and in a way it is complete freedom absurd as that may sound By: via qwertymonk

no ride just animals and humans needing me needing me By: via qwertymonk

haven't had time to play guitar or record much putting out too many fires most of the time and for every fire i put out another two are enflamed however the meditation is helpful in seeing the flames clearly and not buying ALL IN but enjoying the light and heat and creative way the tongues dance against the sky By: via qwertymonk

this dog has a favorite and it’s me By: via qwertymonk

while the dog runs around the backyard By: via qwertymonk

it’s cold today but sitting in the sun is a warm contrast to the brittle breeze By: via qwertymonk