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it just is what it is and that has to be ok in some cosmic way By: via qwertymonk
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Showing posts from November, 2018
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wife is wiped out and useless and i don’t blame her as the boys fight and battle and instigate and perform all naughty acts they can muster and i tool around trying to referee exasperated while cooking simple dumb food to get us all fed with my goal of getting them in front of a goddamn movie so we can breathe for ninety minutes By: via qwertymonk
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i am a member of an avant-garde writing list-serv that i have been neglecting for a while and this morning i just dropped everything and read this one genius's poem with word suicide repeated in the juxtaposed ways that were revealing and helpful and again i felt the value of what poetry and writing can do and also felt the subtle longing to do some writing myself the kind i used to do but probably updated into something i haven't yet conceived of until it arrives with a hammer and a bucket of nails By: via qwertymonk
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on the other hand we are in a phase with little to no room for error or down time me time alone time and we want to live our lives so having a drink is celbrating life and some good food and if i can exercise and meditate in there somewhere too all the better much less record music and listen to others music By: via qwertymonk
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the way the new phones work is remarkable and with high tech lenses in my new bold frames with blue blocking capabilities and high definition coupled with the extreme high quality of the phone screen has my brain wondering how to react but it has been mostly pleasurable and also frustrating when there is no time to play around with the brand new toy fun distraction By: via qwertymonk
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i lost a bunch of passwords and recordings and some beats that i really liked that i was going to record guitar with soon but it was worth the fresh start and at least one of the beats i know i can recreate because it's a beat that has been coming through me for the last year or two and if i sit down and transcribe it i know i can make it happen and even get a better voicing from the drum machine By: via qwertymonk
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inserting a new device into that continuous stream of activity brought me great anxiety at first and i wanted to get all my stuff transferred to help me not lose all my passwords and tracks i've recorded and beats i've made but i slowly started setting up each up one by one instead and rather enjoyed the fresh start of leaving so many things behind and starting afresh once again By: via qwertymonk
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i use my phone all day and night every day and night mostly not staring at it but streaming music from it sending texts and emails back and forth while running errands making grocery lists and using the app for the store i'm in for discounts looking up how fix something on google or youtube writing for this channel reading the news or school updates weather updates recording music and using noise apps for soundscaping documenting our boys with photos and sharing with family and friends all over the world By: via qwertymonk
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when she was out picking up a few things we needed on black friday she talked to the techs at target and they had a deal if you buy a new phone you get a huge amount of an apple watch and we were going to get her one anyway to help with her health and to look more powerful at meetings with ignorant old white men By: via qwertymonk
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someone asks me what i want for xmas i my thoughts say nothing i want you to take things away from here i don't want anymore stuff but then i am reminded of the desire to record more music and how it would be so nice to have this or that little gadget to try and make cool music when really what i need is TIME always time is worth more than anything else you could ever possibly possess By: via qwertymonk
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when i started working on what to put with it next i had endless ideas and could not narrow it down so it seemed to me that if there was a vocal or another musician who wanted to use up some of that space then i could flourish around whatever they transmitted but we'll see i could also just not be so precious about it and rock out until it is what it is and then post it to soundcloud By: via qwertymonk
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no espresso machine so i've been dipping into our amazing tea drawer all the stuff i forgot about in the cloud of my coffee obsession and that's how things have been one catastrophe leading to something else seemingly positive which leads to something else just like the old zen story of the horse that runs away and the neighbros say oh that's awful and the farmer says maybe and then the horse brings back more horses and the neighbors say how wonderful and the farmer says maybe and then the farmer's son breaks his leg riding one of the horses and the neighbors say oh how awful and the farmer says maybe then the army comes to dragt young men and his son can't go with the broken leg and on and on By: via qwertymonk
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the recording sessions are getting me so high it doesn’t even matter if they’re good but the whole thing is hanging from a tenuous thread as i watch wife use my computer and the boys are frequently close to damaging the poor thing i constantly have to let go and imagine the worst happening and being just fine which has been my warrior vow long before i ever knew what buddhism or warriorship was By: via qwertymonk
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and my sleep has changed so much over the years due to being forced to change it with children i've learned so much about just having attachment to sleep being one of the biggest obstacles of course we need it and it's one of the most important health factors but leaning on it so hard can make it run it away By: via qwertymonk
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but that means more appointments more preparation more figuring out all the details involved and then actually doing it and making all the necessary changes afterward on and on doesn't sound that fun even if it helps the sleep but after it's all finished maybe it would be worth it who knows By: via qwertymonk
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the whole thing comes down to being a mouth breather or a nose breather which is very fishy but reading the research and looking into more deeply unsimplifying it into some children and adults have issues with adenoids and other things that make them a mouth breather and not receiving enough oxygen especially during sleep By: via qwertymonk
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3 wants to sit on my lap while i feed him his breakfast holding onto being little for as long as he can and i'm grateful there aren't any appointments today but still swimming in the responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed and depressed about it all when wife yells another thing to work on which is a pet peev of mine but i don't hold it against her because she's in her own hell trying to get ready for work and we have very little time to talk or plan anything so yelling things into the other room is sometimes necessary however un-elegant it feels to me By: via qwertymonk
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found out poc and especially woc use a special term instead of the word white so that supremecists cannot search for them and attack them and i find this genius and i now that i know i can't help but wonder how many more terms are out there and how often they might switch them up or renew them to the next unkown By: via qwertymonk
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dentist for the boys this morning and hell getting everyone ready it always starts with the animals needing their specific contrary needs met immediately then on to whichever boy wakes up first and then the next and the trying to subtly remind wife we need to get the fuck out of here soon without 'rushing' her and we make it there just fine but what a miracle of responsiblity lies on my shoulders By: via qwertymonk
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then we shoveled snow in the sunshine together him with a car scraper chipping ice always directly in the way of what i try to shovel which is what his brother did when he was younger as well and i wonder if all children probably do that because they want to be right next to you helping with whatever you're doing and they're not thinking about what is the most efficient way to get this driveway cleared By: via qwertymonk
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i didn't have high hopes for the election and i thought others were leaing to hard on their hope and now they feel let down that there wasn't a blue wave but the changes that did happen are what happened and that's all there is right now it is the next step toward another step in any direction and no one knows no one is in control so help everyone in the kindest most truthful and ruthless motherlove way you can muster or fight against everything that is or just try to escape all the time it's all up for grabs so why not help those who are terrified and torturing themselves and others or whatever By: via qwertymonk
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my wife predicts we will have legal cannabis here this coming july of the election goes the way we would like and if not she thinks we’ll still get it but just a while later either way i think it’s time and i don’t even know that much about it or have much experience with it just shooting my mouth off with a head full of snot By: via qwertymonk
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the dog apparently peed and pooped upstairs yesterday and since i rarely make up there i didn’t find it until this morning along with the large patches of cat hair lying around i am grossed out by all the disgusting stuff i have to clean up everyday on top of the small humans and the amount of frontal lobe it takes to interact with every being in this home By: via qwertymonk
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no moment is wasted when it is just being and none of the thinking matters as much as we think it does even though it FEELS so important that is just part of the trick the illusion the storyline that keeps us hooked and dragging along through the dirt of confusion and struggle and needing wanting hating destroying ignorantly By: via qwertymonk
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the urge to take advantage of every oppurtunity and the urge avoid everything uncomfortable we worry we're missing out on something all the time or there is something we can accomplish with whatever time we have or we should be doing something important to help others or have a career and so on and so forth yet it's all based on this idea that we're going to live forever or even for a very long time and if you've ever listened to an older person you know they will tell you it all goes so fast so what are you going to spend your time on are you going to stop eating cashews even though you love them but heard they're not good for you and extrapolate that to anything transmogrify it to your own personal situation and endeavors that will end no where just like they started By: via qwertymonk
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i tried but i don't have the mental focus to try working on recording and my strength is too low to play the strings on the guitar for very long but i tried so instead i'll sit here and type away until the letters mean words and the words mean paragraphs to pages to whatever galactic term would fit next By: via qwertymonk
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rough bedtime and night again wake up super cranky and sick and physically weak with dog insisting i help her then cat then 7 and wife and 2 and i'm making breakfast and coffee while we try to keep 7 off the dog his excitement to see his bff is wreaking havoc through impulses he can't control By: via qwertymonk
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getting everything home and put away also seems like an endless battle as 2 needs my attention for this and that and the dog needs to go and the cat needs something and i'm starving taking bites of salad between disposing of food that wen bad in the refrigerator and trying to make some kind of easy to use system for everyone to find what they need By: via qwertymonk
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getting groceries with 2 has become more of an ordeal than it's worth after two hours spent just trying to get his diaper changed and get him dressed much less on board for the excursion i vacillate wildly between utter frustration and starting fresh with renewed vow of patience being open to trying new things By: via qwertymonk
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it was hilarious in too many ways to report here 7 being a samurai and 2 a scary spider at one point 2 announced in his booming baritone I AM A SPIDER FOR HALLOWEEN AND I AM VERY SPIDERY! 7 actually helped 2 a few times to make sure he didn't get left out the parents got some shots at certains houses which was great one was a fireball cider and the other was peppermint patty i had never had either but felt grateful in the cold for a little warm up By: via qwertymonk